


Friendship Rarely Survives The Knowing

by YanzaDracan



Category: Actor RPF, Kane (Band), Leverage RPF, Supernatural RPF
Genre: Angst, Developing Relationship, Domestic Violence, Drama, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Implied or Off-stage Rape/Non-con, M/M, Other, Past Sexual Assault, Past Torture, Physical Abuse, Prompt Fic, Sexual Content, Slash, Songfic, Threesome, Threesome - M/M/M, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-12
Updated: 2013-07-13
Packaged: 2017-12-19 05:40:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 32,139
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/880075
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/YanzaDracan/pseuds/YanzaDracan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>From this prompt—Set to the song "Mary Won't You Come Outside" or actually what Christian says about helping out. Any combo of the following.1) Steve/Chris go over and confront the guy (neighbor)several times and try and talk her into leaving she won't but eventually she asks for help, they both get her out the guy and friends come and either catch both Chris/Steve or just Chris but take it out on Chris either way. 2) Chris goes over by himself and helps he is the only one that gets caught by the guy and is attacked at home Steve finds him. Only thing I really that stuck in my head is Chris helps and gets hurt in the process and Steve and friends are there to comfort and the bad guy gets it in the end. Thanks if you can and Thanks if you can't I really appreciate the offer.   Jazz</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> **Disclaimer:** With the exception of the work noted as being originally mine, all works of fiction and characters thereof belong to their original creators/studios/producers/publishers. No money is being earned, and they are used without permission. In the case of RPS, the people being used as characters belong to themselves. I do not know them. Everything I've written is complete fiction. Any goofs, gaffs, bending of facts, or mistakes are mine.

Christian sighed wearily as he closed the door of his apartment. He’d just spent a horrendous day with his real estate agent. A steady stream of movies, television roles, gigs with KANE, and becoming a cast regular on _Angel_ made the actor enough money that he finally felt comfortable enough to invest in a house.

He was looking for some place between the television studios and Steve’s. The commute he had from Echo Park to Century City was killer. Most of KANE’s gigs were in the clubs close to downtown, making the drive home after closing time nearly impossible. Steve would often take pity on him and drag him home with him.

Steve had moved into Jensen’s after his house in the canyon flooded during the mudslides the year prior. He’d just broken up with his girlfriend so that wasn’t an option. He could have stayed at his house in Ojai, but since teaming with Christian, his career was starting to take off so making the seventy-five mile drive from Ojai to Los Angeles wasn’t practical. As much as he loved them, Steve REALLY didn’t want to move back in with his parents.

He had the perfect arrangement at Jensen’s. The younger man was often in Vancouver filming one series or another, and Steve being there kept him from worrying about the house being vacant for long periods of time.

Jensen had offered his third bedroom to Christian, wanting to get his friend out of the rundown neighborhood where he was living. Yelling and loud crashes followed by police sirens, door pounding, and people led away in handcuffs were common occurrences in Christian’s apartment complex.

Christian, being the redneck gentleman his mama raised him to be, offered to walk through the parking lot with the women in his building. He soon developed a friendship with Mary, the young woman in the apartment next door. He’d walk her to or from her car if he happened out at the same time. They often talked in the laundry room helping each other pass the time during the boring chore.

She told him about landing a job as an associate at one of the downtown law firms, and he’d talk about things and people he saw during KANE’s shows at the various clubs. It was a few weeks later she started talking about dating a fellow associate, and after a short courtship, the boyfriend moved into Mary’s apartment.

Steve was with Christian the day Mary introduced Ken Diehl, telling the men they’d be seeing a lot more of him, and that Christian wouldn’t have to worry about her walking after dark by herself.

Christian didn’t see much of his neighbor the next few months. He put the absence down to his odd hours, and her new relationship. The few times he saw the couple, Mary seemed pulled into herself, barely speaking to him as they passed on the stairs, Diehl’s angry whispers following after them.

One day he entered the laundry room only to have her skitter out the door with her basket of clothes, but not before he saw the heavy makeup covering her swollen cheek. His temper soared at the thought of someone hitting the petite woman, but her avoidance kept Christian from offering his help.

~@~@~@~

After months of house hunting, Christian finally found a house. It wasn’t everything he wanted, but it was close. Meetings with his real estate agent, bank, KANE rehearsals, and late night shooting of heavy scenes between Lindsey and Angel had exhausted the actor.

He had just dozed off when repeated thumps and bangs echoed through his bedroom wall. He started to climb out of bed when the noises stopped. Hoping the couple was engaging in a little overly enthusiastic sex Christian burrowed back down in the covers and drifted to sleep.

The following week he was repeatedly pulled from a sound sleep by the noises next door. Christian was running short on both sleep and temper. A crash followed by the sounds of pain had him out of bed pulling on his jeans as he headed for the door.

Ken flung the apartment door open to Christian’s insistent knocking.

“Can I …?” Ken started until he saw the steely eyed brunette at the apartment door. “What the fuck …?” Ken squawked as Christian grabbed his shirt front causing the man’s face to meet his fist.

When Ken flung the door open Christian quickly took in the tumbled state of the apartment. Then he saw Mary. Face swollen, lip bleeding, arms wrapped protectively around her ribs, made the actor see red. Before he could think, fingers were wrapped in the front of the other man’s shirt and his fist had impacted on his nose.

While Ken was cussing, holding his bleeding nose, Christian was trying to coax Mary to go to his apartment. The woman eyed her boyfriend warily trying to decide between Ken’s anger if she left and the safety that was Christian.

Giving Ken a wide berth, Mary scuttled outside and headed into Christian’s apartment. Ken brought a fist up in a roundhouse punch, Christian was just aware enough of the man to jerk his head to the side, the fist only landing a glancing blow to the prominent cheekbone.

A quick left to the exposed ribs and a hard right to the jaw had Ken Diehl on his knees at Christian’s feet.

“I better never hear of you laying a hand on that or any woman again.” Christian growled.

Showing his contempt for the man, he turned his back and stalked into his apartment.

Tear filled brown eyes met Christian’s from his couch.

“Let me get my wallet and a shirt. I’m taking you to the hospital.”

“Chris … No …” Mary gasped.

“Hurt ribs ain’t nothing to mess with, Darlin’. Bad enough if they’re cracked, but if they’re broke you could puncture a lung. We’re going to the ER — no arguments.” His voice was adamant.

Ready to leave, he helped her off the couch. He cupped her uninjured cheek gently.

“I know you’re a smart lady so I ain’t gonna lecture you ‘bout letting Ken use you as a punching bag … I just hope you’re gonna do something ‘bout this now.”

She nodded slowly. “This has been coming for a while. I wanted to hang on a little longer. I kept thinking it would get better … He would get better.” She raised her head to look at Christian. “Yesterday I got put on the partner fast track ahead of Ken, and he went ballistic.” Tears started to well in her eyes. “If you’ll take me to the police station, I’ll get a restraining order after we leave the hospital.”

“You got somewhere to go ‘til ya get your locks changed and his shit outta your place?”

She nodded as Christian helped her into his truck. They were silent until they got to the hospital.

Christian sat with her through the exam, the x-rays and the stitches. He sat in silent support at the police station, than silently drove her back to her apartment. He stood sentinel as she packed a bag, which he carried to her car.

As he started to close the door, Mary placed her hand on Christian’s chest.

“Be careful, Christian. Ken’s a vengeful man and his friends are just as nasty.” She advised quietly.

“It’ll be fine, Darlin’. You take care of yourself.” Christian closed the door firmly.

A week later Christian Kane was the proud owner of roomy three bedroom rancher just a few miles from Steve and an easy commute to the studio.

~@~@~@~

The following weekend, Steve, Jensen, and Dave brought their assorted trucks and SUVs to Christian’s to move the actor into his new home.

By four o’clock they’d made three runs and were gathering up the last of the odds and ends along with Christian’s guitars. Steve and Jensen were making a run to the U-Haul store for a few more boxes while Dave made a pizza run.

Christian snagged the last two boxes from the truck bed and was headed back to his apartment. A car speeding through the parking lot nearly clipped his legs, and as he turned to try and catch the license number he was grabbed from behind.

The hands that grabbed him were soft and unfamiliar ... Instinct took over as Christian unthinkingly struck out. The heavy soled cowboy boot caught the knee of the man on the right causing a scream of pain as he hit the pavement clutching his knee. A high elbow caught another man in the jaw. A blow to the side of the head dazed Christian long enough for someone to pin his arms.

“I thought you said he was some pansy assed singer!” The man holding Christian shouted.

“He is. How was I supposed to know he was a fighter, too!”

As the cobwebs cleared, Christian recognized Ken Diehl’s voice.

“You said he sucker punched you.”

“So I lied! Just hold him still!”

Christian had taken several punches to the face and body before he caught his breath enough to speak.

“Kenny boy here tell ya he likes to beat up little bitty women?” He asked breathlessly as Ken punched him in the ribs.

“Shut the fuck up!” He screamed as his college ring split Christian’s cheek.

“You said this guy was moving in on Mary.”

“Mary’s my neighbor, genius. I wasn’t hitting on her.” Christian snarked.

He was rewarded by another hard shot to the ribs that stole his breath.

“You wanted her!” He shrieked. “You couldn’t stand that she was with me!”

“She was my friend.” Chris panted through the pain. “I’m already in love with someone.”

“Who? I never see anyone around except that hippy gypsy guy with the jewelry and scarves or that young pretty one.” Diehl spat.

Before Christian could answer the hands holding him disappeared. There was a blur of movement and a shout as Diehl was tackled to the ground by an enraged Steve Carlson. Steve drew back his left hand and proceeded to land heavy punches on Diehl’s face and head. He was drawing his hand back for the next punch when Dave ran up shouting for him to stop, the cops hard on his heels.

Steve looked around wildly for Christian as the cops grabbed up the abusive man and his two buddies. He saw Jensen supporting the smaller man as he swayed drunkenly. He ran to his friends and caught up Christian’s other side. Together they moved the bruised and bleeding man to Steve’s SUV. Jensen opened the back door, and directed Steve to get in first so Chris could rest against him.

The last thing Christian saw as Jensen closed the door was more police cars, the three men in handcuffs on the curb, and Mary and Dave talking to the officers. Mary’s eyes caught his briefly as she gave him a curt nod then returned her attention to the officer. He might have taken the time to do more if he’d known it was the last time he would see her.

“Steve, you gotta let up a little there, Son — ‘t’s hard to breathe.” Christian rasped from against the blond’s chest.

“Sorry.” Steve mumbled as he loosened his still shaking arms. “When I saw those guys beating on you I sorta lost it.” He murmured against Christian’s curls.

“I’m a little beat up, but I’m okay. They didn’t have time ta do a lot of damage.” He tiredly reassured the singer.

“Christian, I heard what you told Diehl. Is there someone you want me to call?” Steve’s eyes slid up to catch Jensen’s in the rearview mirror.

The younger man rolled his eyes before turning his attention back to getting to the hospital.

“Got everyone I need right here.” Christian murmured tiredly before relaxing further into Steve’s embrace.


	2. What He Thought He Knew

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve thinks about what he heard.

Steve Carlson knew he was sometimes oblivious to the real world. He got so wrapped up in the words and music inside his head that he’d forget to come out and let people know he was still in this realm. It was one of the many reasons his girlfriend had ended their relationship.

There were few people that could call Steve out of his little side trips. At one time his mother was the only person he’d respond to ... Even his father couldn’t get him to leave the music behind. Jensen kept him grounded in the real world by simply distracting him whenever he started to drift too far away.

The one voice he responded to no matter how far inside his own head he had traveled was Christian Kane. That southern growl was like magnetic north to Steve’s brain and it never failed to respond.

~@~@~@~

The first time Christian had invited Steve to his apartment, Steve hadn’t said anything about the neighborhood, but made sure that he didn’t get distracted until he was back in familiar territory. Christian’s nonchalant attitude had relaxed the singer until the first time three squad cars with sirens blaring had sped through the complex and stopped at the building next to Christian’s.

They had been in the process of moving Steve’s things from his flooded house to Jensen’s the first time he talked to Christian about moving someplace else. Christian gave Steve his patented Kane smirk, and told him to quit bein’ a worry wart.

Jensen had crashed at Christian’s after driving the tipsy Kane home from a gig. The continual litany of yelling and sirens had interrupted his sleep until dawn. It was then he joined Steve in trying to get Chris to move some place quieter.

As much as he disliked Lindsey, his recurring role on _Angel_ allowed Christian to spend more time on their music. Anytime he wasn’t on the set he was with Steve, or Steve and the band.

The musician knew Christian’s concept of personal space with friends and family was non-existent. Lately it seemed he was constantly falling over the man, or Christian was always reaching across, around or over him. An arm around the shoulders, a hand at the small of his back or just leaning against him as they worked out the arrangements for their songs.

Steve would catch Jensen giving them knowing smirks, then Christian would say something and Steve would forget to ask Jensen about his sly looks.

He drove out to get Christian for a gig at the Viper Room when they ran into Christian’s neighbor, Mary and her boyfriend. Steve didn’t really know her, but he was polite when she stopped and introduced them to Ken Diehl, telling them that Ken would be moving into her apartment.

It wasn’t long after that, Christian became distracted, worried, and would often doze off leaning against Steve as they worked on the playlist for the CD they were producing. After a week of this Steve called him on it. Christian explained what he thought was going on with Mary and her boyfriend. Knowing Christian’s cowboy mentality Steve feared he’d get into a situation where he ended up hurt or worse.

The conversation was soon forgotten as KANE went into the studio to record, Lindsey’s storyline demanded Christian to be on set more, and finally Christian found a house not too far from Jensen’s.

The night he signed the contract for the house, Christian coerced Steve into helping make a celebratory dinner at Jensen’s for all their friends. It was a perfect evening of good food, great friends, laughter, and music.

When Steve woke the next morning, the first thing he noticed how warm and comfortable he was even though he was looking at the back of the couch. He looked down recognizing the arm wrapped around his waist. He must have given some indication that he was awake because the arm tightened and a face burrowed further into his hair and felt the brush of lips on the back of his neck before a rush of cold air replaced the comfort he’d been enjoying. By the time he rolled over and sat up, Christian was already headed for the shower pulling his t-shirt off with one hand while scratching his stomach with the other, sweat pants slung low on his hips.

Steve blinked as a grinning Jensen Ackles and a cup of coffee appeared before his eyes.

”Sleep well?” Jensen waggled his eyebrows at his housemate.

~@~@~@~

Steve wanted to talk to Christian about their night on the couch, but recording the CD, getting ready to move Christian into his house, initial planning of next summer’s tour of Europe, and of course, the music, distracted him.

Chris finally closed on his house, and started dropping things off after work. They were preparing to do the final move when Christian showed up at the studio with his cheek bruised, knuckles scrapped and swollen. Steve started to ask what happened, but a stormy glare closed his mouth with a snap.

After the session they stopped to get a bite to eat, Christian told Steve about his run-in with Ken Diehl and taking Mary to the ER and police station.

“Fuck, man, you don’t know what this guy might do.”

“Ain’t gonna be there much longer so it’s no big deal.” Chris shrugged.

Ken Diehl was forgotten in the rush of packing boxes and actually sorting through all the stuff Christian had accumulated since he’d moved to Los Angeles.

David, Jensen and Steve showed up early with their vehicles. After three trips most everything was moved with the exception of his guitars and assorted odds and ends leftover when they ran out of boxes.

Steve and Jensen went down the block to the U-Haul store, Dave went to pick up pizza since they decided to eat before they took the last load to the new house.

They’d parked Steve’s SUV and were carrying boxes across the parking lot when they saw the three men around Christian. Jensen and Steve ran toward their friend while Dave pulled out his phone.

As they got closer they could make out what Diehl was shouting as his fists connected with Chris’ face and body while one man held him as the other sat on the ground holding his knee.

“You wanted her!” He shrieked. “You couldn’t stand that she was with me!”

“She was my friend.” Chris panted. “I’m already in love with someone.”

“Who!? I never see anyone around ‘cept that hippy gypsy guy with the jewelry and scarves or that young pretty one.” Diehl spat.

Christian never got a chance to answer. Jensen took down the guy holding Chris and when he was sure the guy would stay down, turned his attention to his injured friend.

All Steve could see was red. How dare this asshole put hands on Christian. Their initial impact landed the two men on the ground with Steve pinning Diehl to the ground. He was drawing back to land another punch when someone grabbed his arm. With a growl he spun to deal with whoever it was dared stop him.  
  
When he saw Dave with the cops he raised his hands and moved away from Diehl. His next thought was Christian. He had to find Christian, NOW! Wild blue eyes landed on Jensen helping a bleeding Christian across the parking lot toward Steve’s SUV. The singer ran to take his weight from the other side. At the car Jensen indicated Steve should get in first to support Christian for the ride to the hospital.

Calming now that he had his arms wrapped around Christian, he buried his face in the soft brown curls. He hated that Christian had cut his hair to play Lindsey. He loved when the mass of curls was long and untouched by stylists and flat irons.

“Steve, ya gotta let up a little there, Son—‘t’s hard to breathe.” Christian rasped from against the blond’s chest.

“Sorry.” Steve mumbled as he loosened his still shaking arms. “When I saw those guys beating on you I sorta lost it.” He murmured against the dark hair.

“I’m a little beat up, but I’m okay. They didn’t have time ta do a lotta damage.” He tiredly reassured the singer.

“Christian, I heard what you told Diehl. Is there someone you want me to call?” Steve’s eyes slid up to catch Jensen’s in the rearview mirror.

The younger man rolled his eyes before turning his attention to getting to the hospital.

“Got everyone I need right here.” Christian murmured tiredly relaxing further into Steve’s embrace.

Jensen repeatedly checked the mirror on the way to the hospital. Christian was resting quietly against Steve. He’d found just the right position that didn’t jostle his ribs or impede his breathing.

Steve still clung tightly to the battered body, but his expression showed that his thoughts had turned inward.

 _*Good*_ , Jensen thought, _*maybe his narrow sighted friend would expand his horizon, and realize what everyone else already knew.*_

_~@~@~@~_

Steve was reflecting on what Christian had told Diehl as the man had continued to punch him. He went back over the last year, but couldn’t remember anyone Christian had spent an inordinate amount of time with ... Just the cast of Angel, the members of KANE, Jensen and some of their friends that were actors and musicians.

There had been no steady girlfriends, no one that was around more than a week or two. At their shows women were drawn to the brunette like bees to a flower. A dose of southern charm and they’d walk away smiling, but throwing looks over their shoulders wondering why they weren’t leaving with the band.

Looking back, Steve wondered the same thing. Christian could have taken home a different woman any night of the week, but he always left with Steve ... Making sure the guitars and amps were safely stowed in whichever vehicle they drove ... Knowing how precious the instruments were to the singer, he always kept a weather eye out for the blond on the occasions when he imbibed too much of the fans’ good will or when fans got too grabby that famous Kane glare had them backing off before he had to pull out the growl.

His thoughts were interrupted when Jensen pulled up to the ER. Christian had stiffened up during the ride and was having trouble keeping his feet. Steve wrapped an arm around him for support into the hospital.

When they called Christian into the treatment room he insisted Steve come with him. When he the nurse started to protest, he informed her Steve held his medical power of attorney. Steve and the nurse were so shocked they followed the battered man quietly.

The police showed up shortly after Christian came back from x-ray. The cut on his cheek was closed with butterfly stitches, his ribs were only bruised, and there was no signs of a concussion. The cops finished taking Christian, Steve, and Jensen’s statements about the same time the doctor cleared Christian to be taken home.

Dave had called Jensen while he was bringing the car around to say he’d packed the rest of Christian’s stuff and taken it to the new house, and turned in the apartment keys. They drove back to the apartment complex where Jensen drove Christian’s truck to the house, emptied it out then drove home where Steve had the whining man ensconced on the couch while he dug through the refrigerator for something for supper.

“We could just order out.” Jensen suggested to the frazzled blond.

Steve looked at Jensen like he was speaking a foreign language.

“Just go.” Jensen’s tone was exasperated. “I’ll take care of it.”

He grabbed a couple bottles of water and left dinner to the younger man. Christian had dozed off so Steve covered him with the throw off the back of couch and settled into the recliner. As he watched Chris sleep, his thoughts returned to the past year.  
  
There had been a month when Steve didn’t see much of Christian. During that time he was with the first woman he’d dated more than once since his breakup. Christian had slapped him on the back, made a crude joke, then disappeared from Steve’s life except for rehearsals and shows. Jensen had frowned a lot, stuck to Christian's side like a conjoined twin, and kept his thoughts to himself.

At the end of the brief relationship, Christian had quietly slipped back into his place at Steve’s left. Steve hadn’t realized how much he missed the other man until he was gone, and was inordinately pleased when their lives once again meshed together. He dug deeper into those thoughts.

~@~@~@~

Jensen came from the kitchen with an ice pack for Steve’s hand. The blond was staring at Christian, but his sight was turned inward. He quietly laid the pack on the swollen knuckles before checking Christian. He adjusted the throw to cover more of the broad shoulders before heading out on the deck with his cigarettes, phone and laptop.

The sensation of cold was what brought Steve’s attention back to the outside world. His forehead creased into a frown before noticing the ice pack. His attention then turned to the occupant of the couch, who woke with a curse.

Reaching for the bottle of water and the painkillers on the coffee table, Christian blessed Jensen his mother hen tendencies while cussing his bruised ribs. A familiar chuckle from across the room brought Chris’ attention to Steve and his ice pack.

“I see he got you, too.” Christian grinned.

“That’s our Jenny.” The singer added.

“I told you asses not to call me that.” Jensen’s voice was petulant as he set down a pizza box.

Christian threw his last few bites of crust back in the box. “I’m stuffed.”

He gave Jensen a sideways glance.

“You know we call ya Jenny ‘cause we love ya.” Christian drawled as he carefully rose from the sofa.

Steve moved to help so neither man saw the expression that flashed across Jensen’s face before he got it under control.

“You love me, but you don’t respect me in the morning.” He said teasingly.

Both men looked sharply at the younger, but Jensen’s expression gave nothing away.

“Yeah, but yer just so damn pretty, Son.” Christian’s words slurred slightly as the pain medication took hold.

“Take him to bed, Carlson before he starts spouting tears in your beer lyrics. I’m going to bed. I doubt either of you will be worth a damn to help unpack his shit tomorrow.” Jensen turned away quickly.

“Jen …” Steve’s voice trailed after the younger man.

He waved the words away as he escaped into his room. With a sigh he leaned against the closed door ... He knew how this scene played.

Christian and Steve exchanged a confused look before heading toward the bedrooms. When Christian turned for the spare room, Steve pulled him to a stop. Blue eyes met in the dim hallway lighting.

“Did you mean what you said to Diehl?”

Christian ducked his head, his teeth worrying his bottom lip. This was one of those milestone moments that can make or break your life. Raising his head Steve Carlson gasped when he ‘saw’ the real Christian Kane.

“Yeah, Darlin’. I meant every word.”

The gravel voice was soft. His teeth continued to worry the full bottom lip as he waited for Steve’s response.

“Then you need to come with me instead of going in there.” He indicated the spare room.

Very few things in Steve’s life compared to the joyous expression on Christian’s face and he hoped he’d get to see it a lot more in the years to come.

The door opened silently a few hours later. Green eyes took in how Christian placed himself between Steve and the door, but Steve was wrapped protectively around Chris. He smiled sadly, glad the two hard headed men had finally spoken their hearts to each other rather than to him. They had taken comfort in him when their days were darkest, but now they each other.

Taking Christian’s keys he grabbed his travel mug and headed to the box filled house. If he wasn’t going sleep, least he could do something useful that wouldn’t disturb those who could.

Tomorrow he’d call his agent and tell him to accept the role of Alec in _Dark Angel_. Vancouver should be far enough away.

 


	3. What He Knew and What He Allowed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jensen tries to deal with his feelings for his best friends and their relationship.

He sat in a shadowed corner of the deck nursing a beer and watching the antics of his friends.

 ** _Supernatural_** was wrapped until August, and he'd just gotten settled back in Los Angeles when Dave called inviting him to a party celebrating KANE's ten year anniversary along with Christian and Steve's eighth anniversary. Too mentally exhausted to come up with an excuse Dave would believe, Jensen accepted.

Now here he sat mentally chastising himself for going through the torture of being on the outside looking in at how he no longer had a place here. They were his friends, but they didn't know him or he them as they had before **_Dark Angel._**

His running away from Christian and Steve had been more successful than even he imagined. A year in Vancouver, a quick hiatus in Los Angeles then he was off to North Carolina with **_Dawson's Creek_** , and it hadn't stopped since. He'd become the pretty face to grab demographics. Directors had been stupidly pleased that he had talent to back up his looks, and nagging Steve to teach him guitar and piano when they were living together had come in handy on several occasions.

Eight years later, he was too tired to hide anymore. So he decided to wing it. Next month he'd be in Dallas doing a play that would take up most of his hiatus. He should be able to hold himself together until then.

Jensen was startled out of his dark musings when Christian landed in his lap.

"Whatcha doin' all alone in the dark, Jenny?"

The sandpaper voice shot sparks across his nerve endings. Jensen had forgotten he had no defenses against an affectionate Christian.

His hands had naturally landed on the older man's hips to keep him from falling off the chaise. Jensen pulled his hands away as though burnt looking around for Steve's reaction to the tipsy Kane.

Steve smiled fondly at Christian's antics, but when he caught Jensen's eye he was surprised at the range of emotions that passed over the handsome face. Pain, love, lust, fear, and finally panic that had the broad hands leaving Christian's body like he'd been caught doing something wrong. It was all covered quickly by the almost seamless transition from friend to actor.

Jensen's voice took on a tone of fond indulgence as his beer bottle rolled across the deck. "Kane, you horse's ass! You're causin' alcohol abuse by wastin' perfectly good beer. On top of that ... Don't call me Jenny."

Mischief twinkling in blue/grey eyes, Christian clutched his heart dramatically. "You don't love us anymore, Jenny? Some wily wench has stolen you heart."

Rolling his eyes, Jensen cringed inwardly. He had to get out of this before it got past his ability to act his way through.

Everyone else was laughing at their little scene, but Jensen chanced a quick look at Steve. He almost groaned out loud at the concentration on the singer's face. Having Christian Kane in his life for ten years had given Steve a taste for puzzles, and he was looking at Jensen with an intensity that didn't bode well for the younger man.

With an exaggerated shove he dislodged a laughing Christian from his lap and was off the chaise heading for the cooler full of beer as though hell hounds were after him. He steeled himself when he felt Steve sidle up next to him.

"Come to the studio with me tomorrow?" Steve practically crooned.

The request didn't surprise Jensen ... He'd sung backup on Steve's other CD's. It had become a quasi-tradition with them. He watched the blond out of the corner of his eye.

"Sure … Yeah … Uh ... What time were you goin'?"

"Around nine. I gotta swing by mom's first and return some stuff I borrowed for tonight." Steve grinned.

Jensen wanted to bang his head on the bar. Christian squirming in his lap like a happy puppy, singing with Steve and now Sandy and probably Steve's dad, Chris … Jensen's peace of mind was doomed. Before looking at one of the faces in his dreams he pulled on Dean like most people put on a coat.

"Sure, man. Be good to see your mom and dad. Darren and Rosalee gonna be at the session, too?"

Jensen's body language and expression stayed relaxed and open, but blue eyes narrowed.

"Don't know 'bout Rosalee, but Darren'll be runnin' the board." Steve's answer was almost absentminded as he watched Jensen.

"Great. Want me to drive?" Green eyes looked everywhere but at Steve.

"Nah. Just be ready 'cause the studio schedule's real tight."

"See you at nine. Gotta see a man 'bout a horse …" Jensen started for house.

"What's up with him?" Chris slid his arms around Steve's waist.

"Don't know. He's gone so far away from us."

"Boy's career's goin' like wildfire. That pretty face is in demand. Draws in the 13-40 females. He's great for demographics, professional, talented, sponsors probably love the hell outta him."

With a pat on the ass and a quick kiss to Steve's temple, Christian pulled a beer out of the cooler and wondered over to talk to Dave and Riley. Steve stared slack-jawed after his partner. Just when he thought the puzzle of Christian Kane was solved, a new batch of pieces got thrown on the table.

Making sure Jensen had his guitar, they were actually running ahead of schedule when they got to Steve's mom and dad's. After greeting her son, Sandy turned her attention to Jensen, chastising the younger man for neglecting to visit them when he was in town. He ducked his head and blushed with apologies of being busy, out of town, and he'd try harder to visit when he was in LA.

At the studio, Darren gave him a quick hug and teased Jensen about being Steve's touchstone for his CD's.

"Can't have a Steve Carlson CD without Jensen Ackles' voice on it somewhere … That'd be like peanut butter without jelly." Darren chuckled.

Steve was watching Jensen reactions carefully still trying to cypher what was happening with their friendship.

They rehearsed the tracks Darren wanted to record, and after a few trial runs they were ready for the money shot. As they listened to the playback, Steve casually threw his arm over Jensen's shoulder drawing him closer to make a comment in his ear. He felt Jensen stiffen at the contact then force himself to relax. Steve spent the rest of the session putting himself in Jensen's space, touching … A hand here, an adjustment on a chord here, a brush against him somewhere else.

On the drive home Steve asked Jensen if he had his song notebook with him. At the surprise on the freckled face, Steve just grinned and told him Jared had ratted him out at one of the cons. With a growl that would have done Christian proud, Jensen nodded.

Jensen started to protest when Steve passed his exit, but the singer cajoled him to come to the house and let him see what Jensen had written, have some dinner, catch up on what was happening with each other.

Jensen never could resist Steve when he wanted something badly … Now was no exception. Wanting to bang his head on the dash in frustration, he warily agreed.

By the time they got to the house, Jensen was sure he had those parts that were in love with his two friends safely under lock and key. He knew this role. He just had stay out of arm's reach. Over the years both men had become more in your personal space, hug, tug, physically smother you, and there was no way Jensen's façade would stand that kind of pressure. The alternative would be the loss of their friendship if he cracked. It was a desperate no win situation.

Jensen held on to the thought that it was only twenty-eight days until he went to Dallas like a life preserver in the storm tossed ocean of his emotions.

Christian had finished filming the movie, _**Hide**_ a month ago. Steve had flown to Argentina for the wrap party, and the pair had spent a couple weeks relaxing and being tourists. He already had a new series called _**Leverage** filming in town so when Jensen and Steve got to the house, Christian was already in the kitchen working on supper._

Their conversation stayed on general topics as they relaxed with a before supper beer.

"You look wrung out, Bubba. Everything alright with you?" Christian asked out of the blue.

Green eyes blinked several times. He'd forgotten how perceptive the man was, and his role as Eliot Spencer seemed to have cultivated that trait.

"Yeah. Just tired. Kripke really put us through the ringer this year." Jensen hedged. "Next season'll probably be worse."

"Jared and I were talking at the convention, and he was telling me what an awesome job you'd been doing." Steve didn't look up from the salad he was making.

"Oh? What else did Sasquatch have to say?" His voice dripped sarcasm.

The blond head snapped up. "Not much. We were just passing time between panels." His voice dropped to a soothing tone. "Said you guys were working mostly at night so your social life was non-existent, and he was looking forward to going home."

Jensen relaxed visibly. "Yeah I'm goin' to Dallas next month to do a play. I probably won't be around much until time to go back to Vancouver."

Steve and Christian exchanged a frown. "You avoidin' us, 'ol son?" Christian asked bluntly.

"Why would I do that? You know I always have some project for hiatus." Jensen reminded them. "My agent's working on a movie deal for next summer."

The conversation stayed away from anything personal during supper. Christian told stories about filming in Argentina, and Sony/Columbia wanting him to come to Nashville during hiatus to work on a CD. Steve would commute back and forth to Los Angeles while he was working on his CD. They'd decided not to book any more shows for KANE until their schedules meshed better. Christian practically vibrated when he talked about working with Sony while Steve smiled indulgently at his excitement.

After supper they pulled out the guitars. Steve asked Jensen to play his songs for him. Soon they bantering ideas back and forth fleshing out two of the songs. Steve liked them so well he told Jensen he wanted to talk with Darren about putting them on the CD.

Flabbergasted, Jensen pleaded cigarette break. While Steve and Jensen smoked, Christian lolled on the chaise.

"So Jenny, you getting' laid on a regular basis?" Christian grinned unrepentantly when the younger man spit his mouthful of beer.

"None of your fuckin' business. Damn if you're not a regular busybody." Jensen scowled as he wiped the beer off his chin.

'We just wanna see you happy and settled." Christian continued to tease.

"I'm waaay too young to think about settlin' down like you old guys." Jensen teased back turning to go back in the house.

A lot of beer later they were still picking through Steve's catalog of songs.

"How about this one?" Steve started to pluck a catchy tune that made you want to tap your feet.

_"Dark bar,_

_Counting cars through the window,_

_She sings along to an old song,_

_And mumbles the crescendo,_

_In walks a woman_

_With a well hidden frown,_

_She orders somethin' sweet_

_And all alone she sat down._

_Whooo gave her somethin' to lean on?_

_When everything was goin' down._

_Whooo gave her somethin' to lean on?_

_Layin' around tryin' to think of something to say,_

_A ray of light came through the curtain in a most peculiar way,_

_He hit the ground,_

_He looked around to find his shoes,_

_And as he walked her to the door he wondered which of them was used."_

By the time the last notes were played Jensen realized the catchy little tune hid a story about having someone there for you, but it being awkward because you were strangers.

 _*Hmphf. Story of my life.*_ He thought.

The song took Jensen back to the time when they shared his house. Steve, after his breakup and then later thinking he was never going to have a chance with Christian had spent as many nights in Jensen's bed as he had his own. When Steve had indulged in his short relationship, sending Christian off the rails, it was Christian who turned to Jensen for solace.

Holding tight to his emotions, Jensen told Steve the song really didn't fit in with the others he'd chosen for the CD. As Christian had chimed in his agreement Jensen was pulling out his phone to call a cab. He really needed to get out of here.

"What'cha doin', Jen?" Christian was so close he was almost whispering his ear.

"Callin' a cab. You gotta work tomorrow and no one's in any condition to drive." He continued flipping through the phone book.

"Don't gotta go, Jenny. We've got plenty of room." Christian's voice crooned low. "Steve'll make us pancakes in the mornin'."

"I will? I mean sure. I'll make mom's banana walnut ones." Steve chimed in as he watched Jensen become tense and pale as he'd played _**Something To Lean On**_.

He really didn't want to stay, but it would seem strange if he insisted on going home.

"Sure that'll be great. Like old times. Steve'll make a mess and I'll have to clean it up." He teased, but the humor didn't quite make it to his eyes.

"Damn." Christian quipped. "Always wanted a house boy." Then waggled his eyebrows and snickered.

"Says the man who hates cleaning up after himself." Steve gave Christian's arm a backhanded swat.

Jensen turned toward the kitchen for another beer as they continued to dicker, like people who've been together a long time do. Carrying three bottles back to the living room he was greeted by one of the most beautiful and heartbreaking moments he'd ever witnessed.

The two men sat foreheads pressed together talking softly, interspersed with tiny kisses and nips, Christian's voice a purr of contentment that was rarely heard from the volatile man. Steve's face lit like the sun from within as those talented fingers tangled in Chris' thick curls.

An ache so deep it nearly doubled him over grabbed Jensen's chest. He carefully set the bottles on the nearest flat surface then sprinted for the back door. There was no way he going past them to get to the front door. Fast as Jensen was, Christian had always been quicker.

The bang of the sliding doors broke Steve and Chris out of their bubble.

"What the …"

They saw the bottles, but no Jensen.

"Fuck."

Rushing out the front, they looked up and down the street but saw no sign of Jensen.

He ran. He had to get out of sight of the house. There was no way he could go back there and keep up the pretense. He thought he was strong enough to do this, but witnessing such love and devotion between the two had shattered his façade in a way he never imagined.

It wasn't that far to his house, he knew Steve and Christian would take care of his guitar. He'd promised Steve he'd go to the studio tomorrow … Today actually, and the only way he was going to be able to keep his promise was hide long enough to piece himself back together. He was feeling better about his plan until his phone began to ring.

Frustrated that Jensen wouldn't answer his phone, Christian called Jared, not carrying about the time of night.

"What the fuck is wrong with Jenny?!" He demanded.

Groggy at being awaken it took Jared a minute to catch up.

"Something happened to Jensen!?" He started to get upset.

"No … Yes … Hell I don't know … He was in the studio with Steve today, we ate, drank some beer, played a little guitar, messed around with a couple songs Jenny wrote, and he was just gone. I don't know what happened."

It didn't make any more sense now that he said it out loud then it did when it happened. A thought occurred to him.

"Did something happen while y'all were in Vancouver? Some girl break his heart or somethin'?"

"Nah, man. Nothin' like that. Kripke kept us run ragged, especially Jensen. The finale was a killer." Jared paused. "I can't even remember the last time he went out on a date … He's never talked about anyone special. He talked about hangin' with y'all then goin' to Dallas for his play."

"Thanks, Jay. Sorry 'bout wakin' ya. Just thought ya might have a handle on what was goin' on with our boy." Chris sounded exasperated.

"I don't have a clue, Chris. He seemed fine when we left Vancouver. We're plannin' on hookin' up when he gets to Texas, so you've probably talked to him more than I have." Jared paused before hanging up. "Let me know what you find out. Say 'Hi' to Steve. Night, Chris."

Christian looked around to find Steve having a cigarette on the deck.

"What's up, darlin'?" He slipped his arms around the trim waist.

"Of all our friends, Jensen has never brought around a girlfriend ... Boyfriend ... No one."

"You think something might have happened?" Christian was starting to follow Steve's line of thought.

Snuffing out the cigarette, Steve took Christian by the hand and led him back to the couch.

"I need to tell you something that happened before we got together." His eyes were sad when he looked up at Christian.

"When I moved in with Jensen I wasn't always in a good place ... Between the breakup, the flood ... Just everything …" He paused and took a deep breath, "When I started to do things that weren't good for me, Jensen would call me on it, offer himself up so to speak." He locked eyes with Christian. "Sometimes it was friends with benefits, sometimes it was comfort, sometimes it was because I thought there would never be an 'us'."

Christian squeezed his hand to encourage him.

"Jensen never turned me away. Then all that fiasco with Mary and Diehl happened. We did get together, and Jensen just smiled and helped me move my stuff to your house before he left to film **_Dark Angel_**."

Steve bowed his head and waited for Christian to explode. A gentle hand lifted his chin.

"Remember when you dated that woman for what was it … A month … Six weeks?" Christian asked.

Steve nodded still not sure what was going to happen.

"Jensen's the only reason I wasn't a crazy man." He gave Steve a wicked smirk. "The boy has freckles everywhere."

Steve finally relaxed then chuckled. "Yes he does."

He became serious. "Did we break him, Christian? Are we why he works all the time? Why he ran?"

"It's hard to say. Boy's always played it close to the chest, but you could be right. Neither of us gave a thought to what was happening with him while he was propping our emo asses up."

"Fuckin' actors and your fuckin' masks." Steve groused. "Can we fix him?"

"More like will he let us fix him?"

"Not willingly. He can be even more stubborn than you." Steve looked slyly at Christian through his lashes.

"Pot and kettle there, Hoss." Christian chided. "Pot and kettle." He scrubbed his hands over his face wearily. "We're not gonna solve it now. Come mornin' we can figure this out."

Sobered and worried at the unintentional harm they may have caused one of their oldest friends, the pair wound tightly together in sleep taking comfort in that together they'd come up with a way to fix Jensen.

Jensen arrived at nine sharp the next morning. 'Best friend' mask firmly in place. If Steve and Christian could have seen the fine cracks on the inside of Jensen's mask they might have been more encouraged about getting through to the younger man, but so far he was keeping in character.

At the studio Jensen and Steve worked with Darren to polish up _**Where My River Flows**_ and _**Love You or Leave You** _ before laying the vocal tracks. During breaks Steve would try to get Jensen to talk about his personal life, not just **_Supernatural_**. He talked about pranks pulled on the set, outtakes, some of the publicity work they did in Vancouver, Jared, Harley and Sadie, maybe looking for a place of his own because Jared had a habit of bringing home 'screamers', but nothing that delved any deeper.

"So you and Jay are JUST housemates?" Steve kept his head bent over his guitar, but watched Jensen's face out of the corner of his eye.

Jensen gave a disgruntled snort. "You been reading fan fiction sites again, Carlson? The boy really is like my younger brother." Jensen gave an exaggerated shiver.

The sharp look Jensen gave him made Steve change subjects before Jensen could get his back up. He asked about the play and commented that he and Christian would have to fly in from Nashville to catch the show and make a weekend of it in Dallas.

Steve was disappointed that he couldn't read Jensen's expression because he had turned away claiming a smoke break, and was heading for the door.

With a sigh, Steve trailed behind typing a quick text to Christian.

Christian was toweling the sweat off his face and neck when his phone buzzed. He loved choreographing fight scenes. It always got his body revved and made it easier to get through the day. Seeing Steve's ID brightened his face until he saw the message:

_'Fuckin' actors!'_

With a sad smile Christian sent back:

_'They didn't nominate Jen 4 3 Daytime Emmys coz he's pretty.'_

He laughed out loud when Steve sent him an emoticon giving him a raspberry.

They dissected Steve's conversations with Jensen over dinner.

"So he's not bumpin' boots with Jared, and there's not a peep on any of the fan sites about him bein' 'with' anyone …"Christian trailed off.

"Not that I can find. Everyone's distracted with Dean going to Hell … And has Kripke killed him off permanently. Apparently the screams could be heard for miles. I hope the man has bodyguards." Steve quipped.

"We should call Danneel. She always knows what's going on … Don't they date when Jen's in town? I thought we had one of your mom's chocolate angel pies." Christian added while he was rummaging through the refrigerator.

"You ate the last piece two nights ago." Steve started clearing the table. "They don't date. They're each others' appropriate arm candy."

There was a thump then a curse as Christian backed away from the offending appliance. "WHAT!"

"They've been friends a long time. It's just something they do for each other." He grinned as Christian rubbed the sore spot on the back of his head. "Don't ask her about it, 'cause she'll deny it … Tell you how much she cares about Jen … What a great guy he is … Ad nauseum."

"Huh?"

"If I hadn't seen it, I wouldn't believe it." Steve put the last of the dishes into the dishwasher. "Fuckin' actors." He muttered.

He grabbed his cigarettes and headed for the backyard. Christian grabbed a couple beers and trailed behind him. He sat down and propped his chin on his hands.

"Where we goin' with this, Darlin'." Christian's expression was earnest. "Seriously? Eight years after the fact we realize we were asses to our best friend. We what ... Tell him we love 'im and he falls into bed with us. What we have here is pretty settled. Do we really wanna rock the boat. Do we care enough about Jenny to take that chance? So far all we've done is jump head first into tryin' to git 'im to talk. So if he talks and says he's carried this torch for eight years ... Then what? What's the endgame? How bad do we hurt him just to alleviate our guilt?"

Steve's expression was awestruck at Christian's speech. "Wow. You've put a lot of thought into this." He lit another cigarette.

At Christian's arched eyebrow as he eyed the second cigarette. "Chain smokin'?"

Steve shrugged. "I hadn't really thought past getting him to talk to us. I guess I thought we could play it by ear, but since you pointed out how many different ways this could go … Well … Hell." He pushed a hand through his hair in frustration.

"He's always been there for us whether it was a beer, a bed or an ear. He doesn't take sides, and he kicks our asses if we need it. If we're not careful we could lose one of our oldest friends." Christian paused and took a long draught of beer.

They looked across the space separating them, reading the others' thoughts in their expressions.

"Fuck." Steve dropped his chin to his chest.

"Yeah." Christian stood and stretched. "I'm goin' in."

Steve got up to follow but paused to look skyward praying they didn't totally screw up with Jensen.

While the couple tried to figure out how Jensen fit into their life, Jensen was doing his best to skirt the fringes of theirs. When they went their separate ways he didn't want to spend his time in Dallas patching the holes in his heart.

A few days before Jensen was supposed to fly to Dallas, Christian finished early so dropped by the studio to watch Steve and Jensen record. He greeted Darren and settled in the corner of the booth. Watching the interaction between the two, Christian realized how deeply Steve cared for the younger man. His mental chuckle was bitter at how he and Steve had been so wrapped up each other that they'd become oblivious to anyone outside of them.

He turned his attention to Jensen. Christian knew Jensen was a kickass actor, but to watch that ability in action was blowing him away. You had to watch close to see when the act slipped … He'd look at Steve, his expression would soften, and the emotion that shone from those green eyes made Christian's chest ache. Then just as quick the mask was back in place.

Christian almost blew the whole thing that evening when he'd start to treat Jensen the way he treated Steve. This solicited confused looks from both men that had him pulling hard on the reins of his emotions.

Hooded green eyes watched closely the rest of the evening. Something had Christian's tail feathers ruffled, but no amount of subtle prodding or alcoholic bribes got him any closer to any explanation for Christian's possessive behavior. When their waitress had flirted with him, Jensen thought he'd heard Christian growl/ He could have just been talking to Steve, but the laser beam glare he'd given the poor woman had scattered her wits the rest of the evening.

When the couple dropped Jensen at his house, he decided it might be a good idea if he found something else to do the next few days and let whatever was going on between Christian and Steve work itself out.

The minute the front door was closed, Steve was all over Christian.

"What the fuck, man?"

Christian pulled his phone out and showed Steve the picture he'd snapped earlier at the studio. Steve opened his mouth to continue until he looked closely at the picture. Jensen's soft expression and how his hand was starting to reach for Steve made the singer stop the words that were on his lips.

"Fuck."

"Yeah."

"How long were you watching?"

"Long enough to see that ... A couple times."

"You want to keep him?"

"Yeah, what about you?"

"Yeah."

"He's gonna run."

"Yeah."

"And hide behind anything he can."

"Yeah."

"Jay's been workin' out."

_*Snorts dismissively.*_

"Ya got all the vocals you need for this CD?"

"Yeah."

"Might take 'til the next one's written ta git 'im settled."

"We're going to Nashville. He's going to Dallas then back to Vancouver."

"Dallas ain't that far from Nashville."

"Yeah."

"Good thing we're gypsies."

"I think I hate Vancouver."

"We might have to go through Vegas."

"No shit?"

"Yeah."

"We oughta be able to get something kickass with all the frequent flyer miles."

"Long as we get Jenny."

Their chuckles were just as quiet and breathy as the rest of the conversation. A picture and a few words and they knew that Jensen was theirs ... Their boy just didn't know it yet.


	4. What They Craved They Pursued

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jensen tries to deal with his feelings for his best friends and their relationship.

Christian and Steve never made it to Dallas. They no sooner landed in Nashville than Jensen was on his way to Pennsylvania to film **_My Bloody Valentine_**. They nagged him until in exasperation he gave them his filming schedule.

They picked one of his free weekends to fly to Pennsylvania. Steve was on the computer with the airline when one of the gossip shows announced that Jared and Sandy had broken their engagement. The reporter went on to report that Jensen had been seen at the San Antonio airport.

Steve exchanged a look with Christian. At this rate they were all going to be old men before they got in the same city. Christian's brow pulled down in a frown.

"You don't think …?" The rugged face took on the visage of a thundercloud.

"What! Hell no! They really are like brothers." Steve soothed.

"But he … We were … You know back when …"

With no one to vent his anger on it scrambled his thoughts and left him sputtering.

Fighting not to laugh, Steve closed down his computer and moved to intercept his pacing partner. The dark head jerked up when he realized someone was in his personal space. Before he could react, Steve had his arms around Christian using his momentum to pull him flush to his body. Their progress was halted when Steve's back met the wall and his mouth latched onto pouting lips.

When they came up for air a different kind of heat turned the blue eyes stormy as they roamed over the Steve's flushed skin and dilated pupils.

"Ya tryin' ta distract me, Darlin'." Christian rasped as his arms clamped around the slender waist.

"Only if it's working." Steve panted.

With a small growl, the blond's feet left the ground, his breath catching at the sensation of free fall. Strong legs wrapped around Christian's frame. Steve dove in for another kiss as Christian moved surefooted down the hall, the singer wrapped around him like a limpet. Tumbling onto the California king they forgot about airline schedules and talk show gossip until hours later when the phone rang.

Christian groaned as he read over the schedule Eric emailed. Placed next to Steve's, it didn't look like either of them was going to have time to lure Jensen closer. Jensen's schedule made it seem he was working hard to avoid them. That made both men slightly cranky.

People in the Sony offices scattered as a furious Christian Kane cut through them like a pirate ship cuts the waves. One stupidly brave soul moved to intercept the fast moving man. Braids flew and jewelry jangled discordantly as the dark head snapped around.

The man backed up three steps at the expression that met his. He would have sworn on the life of his children that the man in front of him was Eliot Spencer and not the normally affable Christian Kane. Looking him up and down like he wasn't worth his time, Christian continued toward the door marked EXIT.

Once outside he stopped to breathe like he couldn't get enough air. When the red mist cleared from his vision he moved toward his pickup. He didn't look up until a pair of cowboy boots entered his field of vision. His eyes traveled up a pair of bowed legs, slim hips, broad chest, and a beautiful freckled face people would sell their souls to claim.

"Jensen?" He asked stupidly as his brain took in the minute changes in his friend.

"Wow. When you blew that gasket in there you must have left a few brain cells behind." He straightened from where his was leaning against the truck bed.

"What?" Christian blinked trying to come to grips with the fact Jensen was standing in front of him in the flesh and not in Vancouver.

"You called me Jensen. Jen, Jenny, Hoss, Bubba, Son, dude, man, my boy … But hardly ever Jensen." His grin lit his whole face making green eyes dance with gold lights.

"Fucker." Chris grumbled as he fished his keys out of his pocket. "What're you doin' here?"

"Had a couple days while Jared does his Sam without Dean emo scenes. Steve called and said the forecast for Nashville was cloudy with a chance of lightning strikes and other natural disasters caused by hurri-KANE Christian, and could I drop by."

"You guys are a laugh riot."

He groused, fighting a smile as he pulled out of the parking lot, deeply touched that Jensen would sacrifice his time off because Steve had called concerned about him.

He was pulled out of his thoughts when Jensen told him to go to the airport.

"What … Why!? I thought you had a couple days?" His ire started to rise.

"Cool your afterburners, Kane." Jensen chided. "I do and so do you. Time to get your grumpy ass laid."

"By goin' to the airport?"

Jensen rolled his eyes. "By goin' to LA, idiot."

"Oh-OH! Wait I don't have …"

Jensen had started to laugh and had to wipe the tears from his eyes before he could answer the befuddled Christian.

"In the back, man. I made a pit stop before comin' to Sony." He continued to chuckle.

Chris looked sheepish for a minute before starting to laugh.

"It's really good to see ya, Jenny."

He snagged Jensen by the back of the neck, yanked him across the seat placed a kiss on his temple, as he breathed in the clean scent of leather and sandalwood. He released his hold on the younger man, not wanting to spook him as he relaxed for the first time in days.

By the time they were on the plane, Christian had returned to his usual good nature, prodding Jensen to catch him up with the happenings in Vancouver. Somewhere over Texas the conversation got more personal.

"How's your love life, Jenny?" Christian asked slyly.

"Why is it since Steve got you domesticated you feel the need to stick your nose in my love life?" Jensen teased.

"Domesticated huh?" Chris gave Jensen an evil smirk. "Ask him how domesticated I am tomorrow morning.

"Whoa." Jensen put his hands up in surrender. "Waaay too much information, dude. Besides I get what I want when I want it."

Christian waggled his eyebrows at Jensen's statement, but watched his expression closely. He was beginning to agree with Steve.

_*Fuckin' actors. Damn the boy for being so talented.*_

After a lot of arguing between LAX and Jensen's house Christian finally let him out of the cab, though not without a kiss to the forehead and a heartfelt 'Thank you' for flying from Vancouver to Nashville to LA because Steve asked him.

"Anything for you guys, you know that, man." Jensen answered, for once letting his true emotions show.

Christian was sure his breath and heart stopped at the raw emotion on the handsome face. The slam of the car door broke the spell, and he was almost home to Steve.

There was no sound or warning before the blond man standing beside the couch was sent flying onto the cushions by a blur of motion. He was about to turn and fight when a familiar mouth smothered his protests and a beloved weight pinned him to the couch.

When he could talk again, they were sweaty, half dressed and totally wrecked.

"Missed ya." Christian panted against his neck.

"Missed you, too, but we should move before we can't." Steve's voice was breathy from the weight on his chest.

Showered and rummaging through the refrigerator for fixings for a meal, Steve frowned when Christian entered the kitchen pulling on a wife-beater.

"You eating?" Steve asked casually.

Christian knew that tone. His mama, Steve's mama, every mother in the world had that tone.

"Yeah, ma, I'm eatin'. Southern fried, chicken fried, batter dipped 'til it's comin' out my ears." He assured the blond.

"Uh huh." He ran his fingers around the waist of Christian's jeans. "These were tight when I left Nashville."

His chin dropped to his chest. "I get busy …"

"Busy fighting with Sony?"

Steve knew his partner. Knew when emotions were running high, Christian's appetite was the first thing to go, his stomach not able to handle food along with stress.

"They're smotherin' me. The fuckers wanna change everything. I love recordin' and workin' with the studio guys, but the suits got me wantin' to go all Eliot on their asses."

Steve pulled Chris into his arms.

"I hate the separations. I hate not being able to work on Jenny. I'm startin' to develop a split fuckin' personality." Christian huffed out a laugh. "I'm bitchin' not whinin'."

"Sure you are, babe." Steve chuckled as he turned back to his meal preparations. "Where is Jensen?"

"Cab dropped 'im at his place. Said he didn't wanna to witness our reunion." Christian leered across the counter.

Pausing in his vegetable chopping, Steve pointed his knife at Christian.

"Just plant you ass right there. We can finish the reunion part after you eat." Steve chastised.

Chris sat back on the stool. "Damn. Jenny was right."

"About what?"

"I'm domesticated." He thumped his head down on the counter.

Steve laughed so hard he had to put down his knife. Looking at the forlorn expression on the Christian's face started another round of laughter. Holding his ribs, Steve tried to get control.

"Oh man." He fought back the chuckles. "You're barely house broken, how's he figure you're domesticated?"

Chris glared at the laughing blond. "'Cause I keep asking him about his love life."

Steve sobered. "What's he tell you?"

"That he gets what he wants when he wants." He propped his chin on his fist.

"What the hell does that mean?" He pulled out a couple beers.

"How the fuck should I know?" Christian growled. "They got that place they hang out, and he knows a lot of people from all the time he spends in Vancouver."

Steve went back to their meal. He was starting to get worried at the silence when Chris slammed his bottle down on the counter.

"That's it."

Steve carried their plates to the table.

"What? What big idea just exploded in your head?"

Christian started to pace until a glare from Steve sent him to the table where he ate like he hadn't in days. Knowing Christian, meals had probably been hit and miss while he chewed over his problems.

With the first edge off his hunger, Chris raised his head from his plate and blushed as Steve grinned.

"Sorry. Didn't realize how hungry I was." He apologized.

"Not a problem. Now what's rolling around your brain like as pea in a bucket?"

"You been talkin' to my mama?" He asked, eyes narrowed.

"At least once a week." Steve smirked.

"Shit."

"Quit changin' the subject."

"I quit."

"WHAT! You have a contract …You can't just quit."

"We've all come to the conclusion this is a study in futility. They ain't never gonna put my music on the market. They don't like what I want, and I don't like the way they've fucked up our arrangements … So … I … Quit."

"Christian you have never walked away from a contract in your life. Your word has always been your bond. You go walking away now and nobody will want to take a chance on you again." Steve's voice was stern, but quiet.

His fork clattered against his plate. "Dammit." He rubbed his hands over his face. "Fine, but mark my words  … This is a waste of time. Time I could spend with you persuadin' Jenny to come home with us."

"Your music … Our music is part of your soul. I'd be pissed and I know Jensen would be, too, if you did something to jeopardize what you love. Jensen's waited nine years, and you only have a couple months with Sony. There is such a thing as a telephone. You can harass him long distance."

"I'll finish it, but I don't have to like it." He pushed back from the table and headed for the living room.

Steve pinched the bridge of his nose. They didn't have much time and he didn't want to spend it with a pissed off Kane. He scrapped the dishes and put them in the dishwasher before going in search of his prickly partner.

He called Jensen around lunch the next day. Steve had gone shopping and picked up steaks and veggies for the grill. He readily agreed to dinner, always ready if Steve or Christian was cooking. He arrived at six bearing gifts of alcohol.

When Jensen set the beer in the fridge, his collar pulled down exposing bruises on his throat. Steve checked Christian's location ... In his state of mind he'd have Jensen pissed off and out the door in record time. Seeing him cleaning the grill, Steve kept his voice low.

"Hot date last night?"

"What?"

Jensen saw Steve eyeing the spot on his neck. He self-consciously tugged on his collar.

"Ran into some friends who were visiting." He hedged.

"Anyone we know, call and invite 'em over? There's plenty ... Maybe get a jam session going." Steve urged.

A deep blush crept up Jensen's neck and face.

"Just some people I knew 'for I met y'all … From my soap days. We don't get to see each other much 'cause they work in New York. They were flying back this mornin'."

The blush and Texas slipping into Jensen's speech told Steve that Jensen was uncomfortable talking about this, but didn't want it to seem like a big deal.

"They must be REALLY good friends?" Steve voice dripped sarcasm.

"We scratched a mutual itch. What's your point, Carlson." Green eyes narrowed. "What's with you and Kane? You're worse than my mother."

Steve backed off. He'd surprised himself with the flare of jealousy he had at Jensen's blasé attitude toward a one night stand. He knew he loved the younger man, but these feelings of possessiveness were usually associated with Christian not Jensen.

The conversation was dropped when Christian came in to grab the food for the grill. Always sensitive to his surroundings, Christian studied his lover and friend. Jensen was bristled up like a porcupine and Steve's expression told Chris he'd had some sort of epiphany.

Jensen grabbed his cigarettes and brushed past him on his way to the backyard. Christian arched an eyebrow at Steve in question. Steve ducked his head to hide his sheepish expression. The silence stretched.

"Okay." Steve huffed. "I asked Jen 'bout the hickey on his neck. He said he was with some 'friends' in from New York." A blush tinted his cheeks. "I didn't like it." He pouted.

Christian stared for just a minute than threw his head back and laughed.

"My laid back, tipsy gypsy was jealous?" He teased. "Oh that's rich."

"Fuck you, Kane."

Red faced, Steve grabbed his cigarettes and followed Jensen. Christian stopped him with a strong arm clamped around his waist. He buried his nose in Steve's hair, the shell of Steve's ear between his teeth.

"After Jenny goes home, Darlin'." He purred.

Flushed for a different reason, Steve shivered as Christian turned back to the food.

~@~@~@~

Consciousness started slowly. His brain telling his body it was time to be awake, but his body was perfectly content. The light on the other side of his eye lids told his brain it was daytime. Then his brain remembered there was a flight back to Vancouver today. His body fought hard against his brain. He was warm, secure, and all the smells and sounds were perfect for remaining asleep. A strong arm wrapped around his waist. A head tucked under his chin, warm breath against his chest-warm breath tickled the hairs on the back of his neck ...

Green eyes snapped open.

He groaned inwardly as he recognized the blond head against his chest and the arm wrapped around his waist fingers intertwined with the blond's. He tried to remember what happened the night before that could have possibly led to him to ending up in the middle of sinfully soft sheets wedged between Steve Carlson and Christian Kane. He opened his eyes again as Steve stirred, rubbing his face against Jensen's bare ... BARE! ... Where the fuck was his clothes? ... Oh God what had he done?

Panic made him want to jump out of the bed and run as far and fast as he could. As though hearing his thoughts, Christian's arm tightened around his waist. Jensen forced himself to relax. There was no way he was getting out of this tangle until someone moved, and the only way they would move would be if they were awake, and the last thing he wanted right now was to have Steve and Christian awake telling him how drunk and stupid he'd been last night.

 _*Wait a minute.*_ He didn't drink that much last night. A beer before supper. They'd had a bottle of wine with supper … Something really good that he wanted to remember. They'd talked awhile then Christian had wanted Steve to help him with an arrangement … Then they'd drawn Jensen into the music's spell. There'd been a couple more beers. No hard liquor … No weed other than cigarettes. Now he was really confused.

Sleep had been in short supply since Dean had risen from the grave. Kripke had kept Jensen and Jared on an emotional rollercoaster as the brothers Winchester tried to find their equilibrium. Early morning flight to Nashville from Vancouver. Then Nashville to Los Angeles, his little escapade with his New York friends made him realize he was exhausted.

As they'd worked on the song, he'd start to doze off, leaning against Christian or Steve. Finally Chris had shooed him off to bed. He still had no idea how he ended up in only his boxer briefs in Chris and Steve's bed, but now it seemed innocent.

He had been relaxed long enough that Christian had relinquished his tight grip. Slowly he slid to the bottom of the bed. He watched the two men long enough to see Steve frown when his pillow disappeared. He reached out and finding Chris, pulled him into the space that Jensen had vacated. Christian acted like he was waking up so Jensen quickly gathered his clothes and headed for the living room. He dressed quietly, making sure the door locked behind him he drove home and packed for his flight.

By the time the two bodies stirred on the bed, Jensen was in the air. He sat, cap pulled low, sunglasses in place, fighting the chill that had taken up residence in soul nine years ago. It turned to ice the minute he slid out of the big bed. Having a small taste of what he craved made him feel strung out like a junkie without a fix.

When Jared got home from the studio the house was dark and quiet. He was worried when the dogs didn't come greet him. He knew Jensen was supposed to get back today and figured they'd gone for a walk. Being late, he didn't feel like cooking so grabbed a takeout menu off the fridge and ordered dinner.

Jensen, nor the dogs, had made an appearance by the time the food arrived so he started searching the house. He was shocked and worried when he found Harley and Sadie curled around a deeply sleeping Jensen, Harley's head his hip watching the door. His worry ratcheted up a couple notches when he noticed tears on Jensen's cheeks even as he slept.

Christian's ears were still ringing from his conversation with Jared. He had just cleared security and was on the way to his gate when his phone sang out Jared's ringtone. He was glad Steve hadn't been around to hear the tirade the younger man had just rained down on him. The singer probably would have folded their tent and stopped trying to keep their boy.

The only thing Jensen's mini-meltdown did for Christian was strengthened his determination. Jenny's defenses had taken a big hit ... Hopefully it would make it easier to convince him he could have it all. Once he growled down the yelling man, Christian explained everything.

Even with Jared in their corner, the holidays were hard. Jensen made an appearance at the Carlsons' Thanksgiving party, but he was in Oscar winning form. Christian wanted to shake him until his teeth rattled. _'Stepford'_ Jensen made his skin crawl and Steve cranky. No matter how they tried they couldn't get him pinned down before he flew to Richardson for Christmas, and with their own hectic Christmas schedule Steve and Christian spent as much time on airplanes as they did with their families.

Too soon they were back in Nashville with Jensen back filming ** _Supernatural_**.

They had several weeks together before Steve returned to Los Angeles for his west coast shows. Christian had been able to trudge through his time at Sony knowing Steve was there at the end of the day. Now the empty apartment mocked him with this gigantic waste of his life for the next two months. One bright spot, the new songs Steve was writing were some of his best. Many of their evenings were spent in private chats working on their music, Christian hearing their situation with Jensen in the songs. The first time Steve played _**Casual Smile**_ for him he choked up so bad he could barely finish the song.

He was grateful when each day ended that it was one day closer to the end of his indenture. Two weeks before his contract was up, Steve flew in to help Christian close his house and drive his truck back to California.

The day Steve left his emotions ran high. The future of **_Leverage_** was up in the air, Sony was trying to put stipulations on how HIS recordings of HIS music could be used, and he just received an email from Jared worried about Jensen, who seemed to be stuck in _'Stepford'_ mode except when he was on camera. The interruption of his mental meltdown by a production assistant telling him he had a video conference call almost caused him to lose his tenuous grip on his temper. Seeing Dean Devlin, John Rogers and Chris Downey gave Christian an adrenaline rush.

"Hey guys!" His voice was hopeful.

"Christian!" Dean greeted. "We've finally got everyone together. Tim, Beth and Aldis are here with us in LA, Gina in London, and Christian in Nashville. We have a couple of announcements." He paused for effect. "TNT picked up **_Leverage_** for a full 15 episodes."

The relief Christian felt had him looking for a chair. His brain started to whirl with plans until Dean started to talk, again.

"Our second announcement is we're moving."

Christian's breath stopped.

"We're moving to Portland, Oregon."

Still in shock, Christian made all the appropriate noises about the news. Before Dean, John and Chris signed off they told the actors they'd be contacted shortly with details for shooting schedules and housing. He sat at the desk a few more minutes absorbing the news. He reached for his phone to call Steve.

"We'll be closer to Jensen."

"But further from LA."

"It's not that far from Vegas."

Steve snorted in disbelief. "You aren't the one flying."

"If we get lucky maybe Vegas to Portland to Vancouver."

Steve groaned.

Christian watched Nashville fall away from the window of the plane. He felt his shackles falling away as the city disappeared from sight. With the weight of Sony gone, he was ready to work on adding the final piece to his personal life, Jensen.

The sight of the familiar blond head waiting at the gate quieted his brain. Strong arms wrapped around him allowing him to finally relax as he buried his face in Steve's neck and breathed deeply.

"Home ... Finally.' He sighed.

"Almost." Steve chuckled.

Baggage was claimed and the battle began with Los Angeles traffic. Steve glanced over to see Christian dozing, his head against the window.

Steve set Christian's duffel in the bedroom. He turned when he heard Christian coming from the music room.

"Do you want to order …? Steve's question was cut off by a tongue in his mouth and hands on his belt.

Christian relinquished his mouth in favor of his neck. His belt buckle jangled as it hit the floor. Steve rolled his head to the side to give Christian better access.

"Don't you want …?" The flow of words stopped as teeth set nerves endings on fire.

His boxers followed his jeans.

"Got everything I need right here, Stevie." Christian growled before tripping Steve backwards onto the bed.

Combing his fingers through sweat dampened curls Steve smiled as Christian purred against his chest. He was still amazed and aggravated by the man in his arms. Amazed at how vocal he was when it came to expressing his pleasure and displeasure, and aggravated at how spare he was with words any other time.

~@~@~@~

They started their planning the next day. The movers would pick up their stuff right before LA Con. They wanted to be on the road the day after the convention. With Steve appearing at the Con, they hoped to spend some quality time with Jensen.

Eric was already shopping for a new record company and had custody of Christian's recordings. He and Steve would fly to Portland next week to check out their condo then fly to Vegas to look for a house. Their brains reeled at the things they needed to get done before April. They called Jensen, asked him to come to Portland. He told them he had a promotional gig for CW, but that he'd see them at the convention.

The next day, FedEx delivered an envelope with keys, alarm codes and filming itinerary. When they got to the condo, the utilities were on, so they settled in instead of getting a hotel. They spent the next two days playing tourist, exploring the neighborhood, and poking around different watering holes. Their last night in town they were looking for a beer and a quick bite before calling it a night, the flights to Vegas flew out at an ungodly hour of the morning. The name _**Dante's**_ caught Christian's eye, and Steve thought he was going to have to sprint to catch up with his fast moving cowboy. He came to a bone jarring stop when he ran into an immovable object. Christian Kane stood staring at the inside of the bar with its burlesque style posters and stage backdrops.

"Oh man this is fuckin' perfect." His voice held a note of awe usually reserved for excellent food and wine, or Steve sprawled over high thread count sheets.

Gathering his scattered wits, Steve tried to see the bar through Christian's eyes. "Christian ..." Steve asked warily. "What are you thinking?"

The light shining out of his favorite blue/grey eyes made his heartbeat speed up. The joyous expression mixed with mischief made Steve want to say 'yes' to whatever had Christian so revved.

Strong hands clasped Steve's forearms. "We could call Jason ... See if we can put KANE back together … Get Eric to call these guys …" His grip tightened. "Do our music again." His voice was breathy when he finished.

Steve hesitated. "Are you sure? Our schedules are so booked ..." He was trying to be diplomatic, but he could see the light fading from the animated face. "Okay we'll call Jay. Put some feelers out. If we can get some players together we'll call Eric."

He could feel Christian's body quivering with excitement. It was so infectious that Steve found himself wishing they weren't in a middle of a bar. By the time they got to the condo both men were strung tight as their guitar strings. Boots and coats were thrown off. Christian had barely toed off his boots when Steve's patience ran out. Christian's back hit the carpet with a thump as Steve buried both hands in Christian's hair to hold his head still while he devoured the full lips, straddling his hips to keep him pinned in place.

Steve's logical brain knew if Christian wanted to move he could, but his lizard brain didn't care about logic as he went about stripping them both to the skin. As he slid into Christian, sounds of lust became sounds of love. It didn't take long until both men were covered with carpet burns, teeth marks, and scratches.

Steve lay panting draped over Christian. "Is there any special reason you were carrying lube in your pocket?"

"Just being a boy scout." Christian panted out.

"I don't think that's what they had in mind for the whole being prepared spiel." Steve chuckled as he pushed off the broad chest. "Last one to the shower …"

Before Steve could finish his thought, Christian had rolled him and stepped over his prone body on the way to the shower. Laughing and cursing, Steve pursued the snickering brunette into the master suite.

~@~@~@~

They were curled together on the couch watching a movie when Christian's phone rang. When he saw Jared's ID, he put the phone on speaker. A worried Jared asked if they'd heard from Jensen. At their negative reply his worry ratcheted up a notch. He told them that Jensen had become distant, and seemed to having trouble shaking Dean off at the end of the day. When they wrapped filming, Jensen had to stay to re-shoot some scenes that Kripke hadn't liked, but that he was supposed to have flown into Los Angeles yesterday for some promotional photo shoots on Monday. Jared tried calling and texting but Jensen wasn't answering.

"Where were you during all this shit?" Christian asked through gritted teeth.

The line got quiet. "He never said anything." Jared's voice was quiet.

Steve watched Christian's temper start to rise. When he took the phone away, Christian was on his feet starting to pace.

"Jared." Steve's voice was calm, but firm.

"We got busy. The network took advantage of our popularity to book us all over the place. Then there was Gen …" His voice trailed off.

"What about Gen?" Steve prodded.

"She's a little jealous of how close we are and I didn't want to cause a fight because I really think she's the ONE and …"

Unable to stay quiet Christian exploded. "And what!? You ditch your best friend to get your knob polished. Did you even talk to him!"

"It's not like that!" Jared exclaimed.

"So how is it, really, Jared?" Steve asked. "Did you call because you're concerned or the suits are concerned?"

"WHAT! I'm concerned!" His voice raised on octave.

"We don't have time for this shit." Chris grabbed the phone back from Steve. "Don't worry about Jenny ... We'll take care of him ... You can go back to playin' house."

Jared started to protest, but Christian cut the call. They knew Jared would have checked the obvious places so while they got dressed they tried to think of where else Jensen might hide out. Steve looked around for his day planner. His had a more complete list of their friends than Christian's. When it wasn't in the condo, he grabbed the keys to check the car. Christian stepped on Steve's heels when the man stopped dead in the doorway. He started to bitch when Steve raised his hand for quiet. Sitting on his duffel staring at his hands was Jensen Ackles.

Steve knelt down and reached for the younger man. "Jen?" His voice was soft.

"Hey." He didn't look up.

Christian knelt by his other side.

"Why didn't you call or knock on the door, Jenny." Chris kept his voice just as soft.

"You know I can't sleep in a bed anymore?" He kept staring at his twisting fingers.

Two sets of blue eyes exchanged a worried look over the reddish-brown head.

"Because I'm looking for you. Every time I go out and pick someone up I keep thinking I'll be able to sleep 'cause I'll be warm and wrapped up, and feel safe, but all I feel is cold, alone, empty, and fucked out."

Warning sirens started blaring.

"Jensen did someone hurt you?" Steve asked quietly, terrified at the answer.

He seemed to shake his stupor. "What? ... No! Nobody gets to ... I mean not since ... No." He seemed to sink back into himself. "I thought … You know maybe … Then I could sleep, and it'd be enough 'til I can get my head straight 'cause everyone looks like Christian or Steve, but they're not…" Jensen trailed off lost back inside his thoughts.

Christian and Steve each grabbed an arm and hauled him to his feet.

"Enough of this shit. It gets straightened out now." Chris growled as they manhandled Jensen inside.

Steve tossed the duffel to the side and headed to the kitchen while Christian stripped off Jensen's coat and sat him on the couch. Returning with a cup of hot coffee, Steve shoved the mug in Jensen's hands then sat next to Christian on the coffee table facing Jensen while Christian finished a text to Jared.

"Drink." Steve ordered.

"Bossy." Jensen grumbled, but drank, then pulled a face. "Too sweet."

"Drink it." They ordered in unison.

With the caffeine and sugar in his system, Jensen seemed more coherent. When he realized where he was he started mumbling apologies while trying to get off the people eating couch and out the door.

"Jensen! Sit down and shut up!" Christian's voice cracked like a whiplash. Eyes wide, the younger man did as he was told. Christian grabbed his chin and forced the green eyes to meet his."We're going to say this and you're going to listen closely and believe it like the words are from your mama's lips." Jensen blinked owlishly, but nodded his agreement. "We love you. We are in love with you ... Have been trying to get through to you in our own fucked up way since before you woke up in our bed and ran."

Jensen looked back and forth between the two men. Steve nodded his agreement.

"We're sorry it took eight years to realize what we'd left behind." Steve added.

Jensen started to shake his head. Christian grabbed his chin again. He leaned across the space between the couch and coffee table to place a gentle kiss on the pouty mouth. Steve followed suit.

They stood pulling Jensen to his feet.

"Come with us, darlin'. You can rest yourself in us." Chris prodded.

A step at a time they led him toward the bedroom, soft voices and touches gentling the skittish man ... Not allowing him to pull away from them.

~@~@~@~

He was warm, secure, and all the smells and sounds were perfect for remaining oblivious to the world. A strong arm wrapped around his waist. A head tucked under his chin, warm breath against his chest-warm breath tickled the hairs on the back of his neck. Content he burrowed further into the warmth. Hands moved in long, slow caresses, lips moved in long, slow kisses, sounds were soft, breathy, words of love, words of lust, whispers, whimpers, and sighs. Completion found in the arch of muscles, slip of sweat, gasps of breath stolen as others breathed it in. The rest of the morning passed unhurried, languorous, savored, and cherished. They parted ways at their gates, Jensen promised to pick them up at the airport. They pulled him into an encompassing embrace with a growled warning of _'Don't make us hunt you down.'_ With a wicked smile and a new light in his green eyes, Jensen headed for his flight.

On the cab ride from the airport to the realtor's office, they began calling former members of KANE. Jason was the only member that didn't have other obligations, and was happy to hear they were going to try to set up practice dates. He had a bass player he thought would be a perfect fit. He offered to look for a drummer while Christian and Steve worked out the other details.

The realtor was excellent at her job and in a few hours they had a comfortable condo not too far from the sound studio, and were on a plane to Los Angeles by evening.

The time until the **_Supernatural_** convention was spent packing for Portland and Las Vegas. They badgered, cajoled and tickled Jensen until he agreed that anytime he had two or more days off he'd fly into Portland. Eric had worked his magic with the owners of Dante's ... All they needed to do was get together and pick dates. Jason had brought his friend, Will by the house ... Who was soon a member of the KANE family.

If Jared was surprised by the changes in Jensen, he wisely kept his thoughts to himself. He knew neither Christian nor Steve had forgiven him for allowing Jensen to get so far off center. He and Gen had serious conversations about balancing their relationship with their friendships. Jared tried to talk to Jensen and apologize for not being there for him. Jensen told him they were good, but Jared felt a restraint in Jensen that hadn't been there before. He mourned the loss of their easy camaraderie.

Jensen didn't get back to Vancouver until the day before shooting started for the end of the season. He spent several hours with Eric, Robert and Sera. Afterwards, he was seldom around on weekends, and when Jared questioned him, Jensen had been snappish.

"What? You think you're the only one that gets a life outside the show?"

Jared at sputtered at the question. "No, that's not what I meant."

"You left me Jared. Cut me off like I hadn't been your best friend/house mate. You're still my friend, but you lost the right to ask questions about what I do or where I go."

"Can we at least go out and have a beer, maybe shoot some pool like we used to?" Hazel eyes were pleading.

"Oh and have Gen glaring daggers and actin' all pissy tomorrow."

"It's not like that anymore. We learned our lesson. I think it's made our relationship better."

It was slow going, but by the season's finale, Jared felt he'd made headway in repairing his relationship with Jensen, though he still didn't know where he disappeared on weekends.

The round of conventions in May from Australia, Europe, and England was a morass of planes, hotels, jet lag, sleepless nights and hours of phone calls, texts, and emails.

Jensen had just set his duffel inside the condo door when his phone rang. His heart jumped to his throat when he saw Dean Devlin's name. Christian had been taken to the hospital after a stunt gone wrong. He doesn't remember driving to the hospital, he knows he called Steve, who said he was on his way to the airport anyway, and would be there by evening.

By the time the worried singer got to their condo, Jensen had brought Christian home. They were stretched out on the bed, the white bandage stark against Christian's tan forehead. Jensen was sprawled across his chest so Chris would have to wake Jensen to get out of bed. Steve stripped down and slid into bed, careful not to wake the other two. He nearly jumped out of his skin when Christian spoke to him.

"Hey, Darlin'." He said softly.

Calming his thumping heart, Steve pulled both men against his chest.

"How're you doing?"

"Headache's worse'n any hangover I ever had. Jenny worried himself into a lather on top of bein' sleep deprived." Christian ran his fingers through the short brown hair.

"Do we need to cancel Sunday's show?" Steve asked softly.

"Miss my birthday show?! Fuck no!" Chris protested softly. "'Sides Jenny's gonna sing with us."

"It only took us two months to talk him into it." Steve chuckled.

Christian stood on Dante's stage taking in the crowd. He turned his back to the room and look around the stage. This was his family ... The members of KANE, the **_Leverage_** cast, and finally Steve and Jensen standing close, heads together, eyes shining, smiles wide. He turned back to the crowd and grabbed the mike.

"There's only two things in life that make it worth livin' …" Three sets of eyes met.


	5. What Haunted Him He Buried

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jensen tries to deal with a buried portion of his past.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **WARNING!: Implied non-con, torture in the past.**

_That faded Polaroid_   
_Always annoyed me_   
_When it fell out in my car_   
_But I never took it out_   
_Sometimes I’d just zone out_   
_And wonder where you are today._

_Oh, and I’m sure you’re doin’ well_   
_I know you'll never tell_   
_About the girl you used to be_   
_Don’t worry Babydoll_   
_I’ll keep it all_   
_Between you and me._

_Just like all the rest_   
_Somehow I’m passing the test of time_   
_But I’d say to stay on your side of town_   
_And keep your crowd away from mine._

_Cause you know I’m doing well_   
_I’m sure you never tell_   
_About the boy you used to see_   
_Don’t worry I won’t sing_   
_About everything_   
_Between you and me._

...Between You  & Me – Steve Carlson

 

It was the week from HELL. Jensen was exhausted. The only good thing, he was on hiatus, so he didn't have to worry about splitting his time between his lovers and _**Supernatural**_. It was bad enough that he was splitting his time between Las Vegas and Portland. For the first time since moving to Los Angeles he chose not to work, putting his personal life before his professional. The few personal appearances didn't count as work. When Steve found out Jensen wasn't working, he started dragging him from pillar to post helping him with the CD he wanted to release in the early part of next year. Their last trip to LA, they'd moved Jensen from his house to theirs, putting the big stuff into storage. Jensen's house was now rental property.

They'd flown from LAX to Portland for KANE's show at Dante's then to Las Vegas. Now he was sitting at Steve's bedside at University Medical Center after an allergic reaction to a spider bite. Jensen had teased Christian unmercifully when he found out about his spider phobia. They contracted an exterminator to spray the house monthly, even when they weren't in town. Instead of fumigating the house before they arrived, an employee decided it was a waste to spray an empty house, and had taken off a couple hours on the company clock.

Now he understood Christian's phobia. After his initial reaction to the spider bite, Steve scared another ten years off his life by having a reaction to the treatment for his reaction. They'd almost lost him. Jensen had been out of his mind with worry, but Steve refused to let him call Christian. After a one-sided conversation with a monumentally enraged Jensen Ackles, heads rolled, money returned, and hospital bills covered to stave off possible lawsuits.

Steve was being released this morning, the only evidence of his crisis was the bite mark on the still swollen cheek. Instead of going home to rest, they were going to the airport and flying to Portland. The argument in the cab to airport about telling Christian the truth entertained the cabbie to the arrivals drop-off.

"He's going be royally pissed." Steve pleaded.

"Don't care. I won't be in the middle of keeping secrets between us." Jensen stated mulishly.

"There'll be a lot of yelling, cussing, and foot stomping." Steve warned.

Green/gold eyes narrowed, jaw set stubbornly against the honeyed voice cajoling him.

"Never thought I'd see the day when you'd be more stubborn than Kane." Steve sighed in resignation.

"No secrets."

"Fine."

The rest of their trip was fairly quiet ... Not because Steve held a grudge, but because he was too exhausted to be his usual self. Jensen didn't mind the silence once he realized the singer wasn't angry with him, and coaxed him to sleep.

~@~@~@~

Steve had been spot on when he said Christian would be royally pissed. Jensen felt like he'd survived an F5 tornado by the time Christian settled enough to drag an exhausted Steve and Jensen to their bedroom, and with Steve in the middle refused to let either man out of bed until the next morning.

At Dante's, Jensen kept a low profile, cap low, wearing his glasses instead of his contacts. They didn't need to put the fangirls on an Internet rampage. After the sound check, he and Christian catered to Steve, who sat with ice pack on his swollen face, while a restless Kane prowled the room, strumming his guitar and singing softly. Steve laid his head on his arms to hide his smile at their antics. Though he hated what they'd been through this past week, some days it was good to be the king.

About twenty minutes before the show the trio went down to the lounge. Tim and Aldis had arrived while they'd been upstairs. The two men got to picking at Christian, distracting him from hovering over Steve like a hen with one chick. After the show, Jensen visited with Tim and Hodge while the band grabbed showers and fresh clothes. He was anxious to get home so Steve could rest. They were gathering guitars and amps when Eric came down the steps with an expensively dressed woman. Everything stopped as they watched the pair approach. Christian and Jensen moved, putting themselves between the two and the band. They ignored Tim's snickering and waited for Eric to explain.

"Guys, this is Monica Reid-Westman. She's in charge of entertainment and getting area celebrities into the golf tournament for B.U.L.L. Session charity. The money they raise goes to help the area's children. Monica this is Christian Kane …"

"Ma'am." Chris nodded.

Eric continued through the group introducing everyone. None of them noticed the pole-axed expression on Jensen's face. Jensen's mind was pulled back to the present when he heard Christian say his name.

"What're you volunteering me for, Kane?"

"Miz Westman was asking if any of us played golf. Figured you, me and Tim could play. Then they'd only need to find one more for a foursome."

Jensen agreed readily. It would seem out of character if he refused. He paid close attention to the rest of the conversation. KANE would be the entertainment at the banquet.

"When are we doing this? If it's after filming starts I'll have to clear it with my production company."

"It's scheduled for the second weekend in September, Mr. Ackles." Monica answered.

"Please … It's Jensen." He looked into eyes that reminded him of the ones he saw in the mirror every day.

"Jensen." She gave him a small smile. "I want to thank all of you for being so generous with your time." She turned to Eric. "I'll be contacting you with an itinerary."

She exchanged another look with Jensen before going back up the steps. Jensen watched Monica Reid-Westman until she disappeared. His mind trying to drag him thirteen years into the past until Steve accidentally bumped him with his guitar case. He stared out the window wishing he could join his bedmates in sleep. He fought to keep his body still so he didn't wake Steve or Christian. Ruthlessly he quashed any thoughts that strayed away from the present. The pre-dawn blush started to wake the world as he finally drifted into a fitful doze.

Two sets of blue eyes worriedly watched their deeply sleeping partner. They quietly shut the door and headed for the kitchen.

"He didn't sleep until almost daylight." Steve murmured into his coffee.

"He's worried. We almost lost you." Christian shivered at the thought.

He shook his head. "This is different. He was fine until Eric brought that Westman woman downstairs."

"I had to do a double take. Dress Jenny in drag and they'd be twins." Chris shivered again. "Kinda hot, but kinda freaky."

"He's been on a lot of shows, think they know each other?"

"Naw. Where would Jen meet a Portland society diva?" Christian chuckled as he worked on breakfast. "He hangs out with redneck cowboys, vagabond gypsies, and other disreputable types."

"He can smooze the tuxedo set with the best of 'em." Steve looked around for his meds. "He can do that high brow shit 'til their all eating out of his hand."

Christian snatched the bottles away. "Not 'til ya eat something."

Steve's comment was lost in the sounds coming from their bedroom. Chris was halfway there before Steve could react. They found a sweat covered, trembling Jensen in the middle of the bed, head resting on his pulled up knees.

"Jenny?" Christian asked soothingly.

Unshed tears pooled in green eyes before several rapid blinks cleared them away. Shaking himself like a wet dog, he swung his legs over the side of the bed. Christian and Steve took up residence on either side of the still panting man.

"Jen, what's up, babe?" Steve entwined his fingers with Jensen's.

"I'm fine." He turned to shake the older men off as he did the dream.

Not cooperating, Christian and Steve enveloped him. Warmth, concern, and love was all he felt. Allowing himself to bask in their comfort, he finally regained his mental balance.

"As great as this is ..." Jensen tried to wriggle free. "Need to go."

"Go where?" Steve muttered.

"Bathroom." Jensen huffed.

Chris chuckled lightly.

"So glad when he's off the meds." Jensen muttered.

He tucked Steve's hair behind his ear then gave him a quick kiss.

"I've never known you to be quite so blond." He said over his shoulder.

Christian laughed at Steve's disgruntled expression. He opened his mouth to repudiate the blond comment, but snapped it closed causing Chris to laugh harder on his way back to the kitchen. Jensen leaned against the bathroom door. He hadn't had a nightmare like that in years. He hoped it wasn't a preview of things to come. There was no recurrence of the nightmare, no nightmare could stand against Christian and Steve's emotional and physical onslaught. Where Chris found that much energy after a twelve hour day on the _**Leverage**_ set always amazed Jensen?

Steve took full advantage of Jensen's mother hen tendencies to cut a swath through the neighborhood shops restocking Christian's pantry before they flew out the next morning.

"He's coming to Vegas, Wednesday." Jensen reminded.

"I know. Quit whining. The bags aren't that heavy."

The woman behind the counter smiled at their dickering.

"Not whining. Don't need all this stuff for a couple days."

"You live on take-out." Steve admonished.

"Hey! I cook!" Jensen protested.

"You used to sometimes cook when you lived with Jared."

Steve cringed inwardly. Jensen had found his own place not long after Jared started dating Genevieve. Her jealousy of their relationship made Jensen uncomfortable.

"Not much use in cooking for one."

Whatever Steve was going to say was lost as they arrived at the checkout.

Christian pushed the door open to, the smell of Sandy's Bolognese sauce. He found Steve in the kitchen putting the finishing touches on a pan of lasagna, but no sign of Jensen. After a greeting that left both men panting and half sprawled over the counter, Christian killed the mood with one question.

"Where's Jenny?"

Steve flicked his eyes to the patio. Looking at Jensen then back at Steve he arched an eyebrow in question.

"I bumped one his sore spots." He turned back to the stove.

Christian crossed his arms over his chest.

"I was teasing him about how he only sometimes cooked when he lived with Jared."

"That one should be healed by now." Christian frowned.

"Not quite. I reminded him he's alone, and he hates cooking for himself."

"So yer suckin' up with yer mama's Bolognese sauce?"

Steve blushed a deep red. A twinkle of mischief entered Christian's eyes as he started to laugh. Curiosity pulled Jensen out of his funk and back inside. The lighthearted mood remained until Steve and Jensen left for the airport the next morning.

~@~@~@~

Eric called his manager, who in turn called Kripke about scheduling Jensen's filming around the B.U.L.L. Session charity weekend. Jensen groaned when his manager informed him they were trying to snag Jared as their fourth for the golf tournament.

He'd never told the younger man about the change in his relationship with Christian and Steve. Jared would tell Genevieve who was one of the biggest gossips Jensen ever met, and he did not want his relationship spread over the world because someone couldn't keep their mouth shut. The people who needed to know knew and that was all the three of them cared. He'd talk it over with them when Christrian got in town, Wednesday, and see what they thought.

Jensen was wading through his monthly paperwork from his agent and accountant when Steve went to bed, his meds still making him drowsy. Jensen was getting ready to join him when his phone rang. The caller ID said _'Private'_ , but Jensen answered anyway.

"Hello."

"Jensen?" A soft female voice asked.

"Who's this?" His tone got suspicious. He hoped some fangirl hadn't gotten his number. He hated the hassle of changing them.

There was a pause. "It's Monica."

The bottom dropped out of his stomach. "What do you want, Monty?" He asked quietly.

"I … Was … I mean … You know … Surprised when I saw you in Portland." She stammered.

"Yeah … Well … Shocked the hell outta me, too."

His mind's eye recalled how she always chewed her bottom lip when she was trying to gather her thoughts.

"Just spit out whatever it is you want to say, Monty, so we can end this mockery." Jensen spat into the phone.

"You're not going to say anything about …?"

"Have you lost your fucking mind!? Of course I'm not saying anything. Those men, Christian and Steve, are my life. You think I want them to know what I ... What happened because we were too fucking naïve and trusting to know any better?" He hissed.

"I'm glad you found someone." She soothed. "After what happened I didn't think you ever would." He heard her sniffle. "I didn't think I ever would."

"Does he know?"

"Yes. I knew he'd run a background check to make sure I wasn't some gold digger, so when it looked like it was getting serious I told him. No record of it appeared anywhere. His dad doesn't know."

Jensen wanted to laugh at her naiveté.

"I never told ... Anyone ... Ever. I kept files to protect myself. No one knows, except you, that I have them.

"You should tell them. If they love you half as much as Ryan and I love each other it will be fine." She encouraged.

"It's not the same for me. Besides, that naïve, trusting boy is dead and buried." Jensen snapped.

"What about your scars?" Monica asked.

"That hotel quack was good. Only the deepest ones scarred and you have to know where to look."

Jensen pulled his mind away from the phantom pain in his lower back.

"After this is over you keep on your side of Portland and I'll stay on mine ... If I still have one." Jensen half muttered to himself.

"Jens ..."

"No, Monty ... Just no. Goodbye."

He heard her call his name as he cut her off.

He sat staring blindly toward the bedrooms knowing by the time this was over his perfect life of the past few months would lay in ruins. He could already taste the ashes on his tongue.

~@~@~@~

 _ **Handsandpainandbloodandscreamsandbloodandfire!**_ across his skin and _ ****HANDS! and NO! and SCREAMS!** **_

That woke him flat on his back, hands clenched in the sheets, sweat running in rivulets off his body. He jerked his head to the left. He breathed a sigh of relief that Steve had slept through his screams…maybe he hadn't actually screamed out loud. He slid out of bed, he had no desire to play twenty questions at four in the morning.

_*Damn.*_

He gathered all the stuff seeing Monty had pulled out of the closet stuffed it in a box in the back of his mind, shut and sealed the lid. If there was a way he could do a salt and burn to kill off his ghosts, there'd be a raging inferno.

He started a pot of coffee and showered in the guest bathroom. There was no way he was going back to sleep. Steve gave him an odd look for being up so early, but kept his silence as he got his coffee.

"Glad that's the last of those pills. Hate how they knock me out. You were up awful early."

"Yeah. Had to finish off that paperwork so I can get it back to Angie."

"You oughta steal her from your agent."

Jensen chuckled. "I couldn't afford her. This way I get her services, but someone else foots the bill."

"Tightwad." Steve dropped a kiss on the back of his neck on the way past.

"Good thing one of us is." Jensen gave an ass cheek a pinch.

Steve stopped in the doorway. "Going to the studio with me?"

"Yeah, Darren wants me to watch the board while you two do the heavy lifting."

"We'll make a producer out of you, yet."

Jensen snorted. "Watching a computer screen and tweaking a few knobs is a long way from knowing what I'm doing.

"Don't sell yourself short, Jens." Steve went to get dressed.

Jensen's head jerked. He hadn't given any thought to Steve using that nick name until Monica reminded him of the past. His phone buzzed a text message from his manager. _Kripke ok'd charity. Jared is ur 4th_.

~@~@~@~

Monty's advice to tell his lovers about his past rattled around in his brain as he watched Steve and Darren record. This CD could be Steve's best yet. He hoped he'd still be around next spring when it was finished. He was jerked out of his thoughts by the words coming out of the speakers.

_But I'd say to stay on your side of town_   
_And keep your crowd away from mine_

When the shock passed at hearing his words to Monica, Steve was still singing.

_Don't worry I won't sing_   
_About everything_   
_Between you and me._

His mind was full of white noise. His body wanted to run, but his innate sense of self and having made a promise kept him sitting at the sound board. He had everything back in control by the time the last notes rang from Darren's baby grand. 

Jensen was on auto pilot the rest of the day. If Steve noticed anything amiss he held his silence. Once home, Jensen changed into his running clothes and took off without a word. Christian threw his duffel in the back, than settled in the passenger seat. When Steve didn't pull away from curb, he got worried.

"Steve?"

"Something's wrong with Jen."

"How'd he get sick so fast?"

"He's not sick ... Not physically."

Christian pinched the bridge of his nose. This wasn't good. He was having to translate Stevespeak. The truck pulled out.

"How's Jenny sick?"

"In his soul."

"What made his soul sick?"

Concentrating as traffic got heavier seemed to pull Steve out of his own head.

"Ever since we met that Monica chick something's been off. He's having nightmares, barely sleeping, smoking too much, picks at MY cooking, and instead of being here ... He's out running." The singer sounded exasperated.

"He has to go back to work soon … Back to Vancouver. Chris speculated.

"That's not it!" Steve slapped his hands on the steering wheel. "Today he was on the board so Darren and I could play together. He'd been real quiet all day, but I happened to be looking at him when we did **_Between You and Me_** ... I thought he was going to pass out. By the time I could leave the booth he seemed fine. To top it all off ... Kripke's sending Jared down as a fourth for that golf tournament thing."

Christian rubbed his hands over his face.

"This just keeps gittin' better."

"We should tell Jared."

"Kid can't keep a secret to save his life." Chris sneered.

"It's Genevieve that tells stuff to get attention."

"That would kill Jen."

"He's gonna ask.'

"Jen really doesn't wanna."

"He trusts Jared, he doesn't trust Genevieve."

"Say it's okay with us IF he wants to tell."

"Works for me."

Steve put the truck in park.

Jensen had run into the garage just as they both came around the truck. Without a word he was surrounded, and not allowed to utter a word that didn't pertain to the sensual assault on his mind and body by those who loved him most. The two perpetrators of the assault quietly congratulated themselves as Jensen relaxed into a deep sleep.He seemed to settle after that night. The nightmares returned to the dark corners of his memory and he simply enjoyed the rest of his time off.

The second week of August, ****_Supernatural_** ** started the filming for season five. Though she'd been killed off, Genevieve was staying with Jared while she waited word on whether she got the part on a new series, **_Flash Forward_**.

He made a quick trip for KANE's last show in Portland until ConCon in March.

A week later, Jared and Genevieve met Jensen in the country club parking lot. Walking into the lobby, Jensen saw Christian and Tim first. As he started toward them, Monica cut across his vision.

"Mr. Ackles … Jensen, so glad you joined us." Her voice gushed, but her eyes were cool.

"Thank you, Monica. This is my friend and co-star, Jared Padalecki and Genevieve Cortes."

"So pleased you could make it. Christian and Tim are waiting over there. Here is your itinerary, and we will be seeing you when you get back to the clubhouse."

"Thank you, Monica." Jensen replied just as coolly before turning his attention to Christian and Tim.

Christian wrapped around him like a warm blanket, not speaking, just holding on. Jensen returned the hug, and gave him a quick hidden kiss on the neck. Jared looked at Jensen strangely when Tim snatched him from Christian, who was grinning like a jackanape when he pulled him into a hug that lifted him off the ground.

"Put me down you grinnin' fool." Jensen blushed hotly as he returned the hug.

"Good to see ya, kid." Tim still grinning threw an arm around Christian and Jensen holding them in place. "See you brought a new victim ... I mean player." He smiled a shark's smile at Jared.

"Down, boy." Jensen laughed. "Timothy Hutton ... Jared Padalecki and Genevieve Cortes. Be gentle with him, he hasn't been playing since prehistoric times." He teased. "Jared. No betting with the old man. He's more Nathan Ford than he admits." Jensen cautioned.

"Spoilsport." Tim moued as he held out his hand. "Good to meet you."

"I know that look." Christian teased. "He's gonna go all fanboy on ya, Tim."

Jared blushed and took the offered hand. "A great pleasure, Mr. Hutton."

"Just Tim, kid." He glanced sideways at Jensen. "Jenny here speaks highly of you."

Jensen groaned. "Not another one."

They all laughed as they gathered their caddies. Usually they handled their own bags, but since part of the tournament was to schmooze the crowd, they moved into the queue to tee off. Jared watched the other members of his foursome. They played like they'd been doing it for years. There were inside jokes and references he didn't understand. When he asked Jensen what he'd done during hiatus, the older man said he'd hung out and caught up with old friends. Christian was obviously one of those friends. He must have spent time on the ****_Leverage_** ** set, which made sense since he knew both Kane and Aldis.

A pang of envy and jealousy ran through Jared as he watched their easy camaraderie. He'd had that with Jensen once. He thought they'd get it back once Genevieve resolved her jealousy issues, but Jensen always remained just a finger's breadth away from him. The only time they seemed to connect was on set. He had hopes for this weekend until Genevieve invited herself along, and Jensen didn't share his plans. Jared didn't even know where he was staying ... Though he thought it safe to assume it was with Christian.

Jared allowed himself to be pulled out of his gloomy thoughts by Jensen's gentle teasing trying to draw him into the group. By the time they finished the front nine, Jared had forgotten his morose mood. They finished fourth in the tournament, and spent an hour after they finished play, signing autographs and socializing with the fans. Now they were free until the KANE show at the banquet. Jared had allowed himself to be drawn in the web Christian, Tim and Jensen had spun while they played golf. He was caught in the spell until he heard Genevieve call his name. By the time he turned back, the other three men were pulling out in Christian's truck. Rolling down the window, he yelled across the parking lot.

"See ya at the dinner!"

Jared waved in acknowledgement before unlocking his rental. When he and Genevieve were seated at the banquet, he looked around for Jensen. He caught movement on stage from the corner of his eye. Jensen, Jason and two men Jared didn't know were on stage setting up equipment. They were soon joined by Steve and Christian. The three men stood close, heads together while they untangled wires, tuned strings and set up microphones. Jensen started toward backstage when an arm snaked around his waist and pulled him back toward Christian.

Jared couldn't tell if he said something in Jensen's ear or kissed the side of his head, because Steve was blocking his line of sight. Whatever he did made the fair skinned man blush from the collar of his shirt to the roots of his hair and the rest of the band laugh. He once more got that feeling of being on the outside of an inside joke. It saddened him that what seemed to be the next step in his life ... His relationship with Gen ... Was causing him to step further from the best friend he'd ever known. He made a silent vow to make more of an effort with Jensen. He was too large a part of who Jared was and who he was becoming to lose their connection.

KANE was in rare form. Their repertoire was wide ranging and everyone seemed to hear something they liked. When Christian beckoned for someone from backstage, Jensen came out and moved to share a microphone with Steve. The smile Jensen gave the band and the crowd showed he had become more comfortable with performing live.

Monica had requested the celebrities mingle with the crowd until things ended officially at eleven. Jensen was talking with Dean and Tim when he heard Monica call his name. When he turned he saw a face he never wanted to see again.

"Jensen Ackles ... I'd like you to meet my husband, Ryan Westman ..." she turned to an older man behind Ryan. "And this is my father-in-law, Arthur."

As he shook Ryan's hand, Jensen fought to keep his emotions from boiling out. He wanted to scream out at Monica and ask her how she could do this to him after all he'd done to protect her. The part of his mind that was still rational, reminded him that he had protected her and she had never borne the brunt of the attention that nearly killed him. The innocent look on her face when she'd gushed about her in-laws told him she'd never seen his face that night.

Arthur Westman was Jensen Ackles' own personal demon in the closet.

~@~@~@~

When he moved to Los Angeles, he'd signed a three month contract with an agency recommended by his agent in Dallas. Trusting the advice of a man who'd represented him since he was 2 years-old, 18 year-old Jensen, fell into a nest of pit vipers and it nearly ended his life.

Green/gold eyes flashed rage and hatred as his mouth smiled and said all the proper inanities to the elder Westman. Arthur acknowledged Jensen's anger by the widening of his eyes and the pallor in his face.

Christian looked around the ballroom for his two errant lovers. Steve was talking to Aldis, Beth and another couple by the exit. Jensen was by the stage with Monica Westman and two men. The hair on the back of his neck stood up as he took in Jensen's stiff posture and the clenched fist hanging at his side. Worried, he caught Steve's eyed and motioned him to his side as he moved toward Jensen. By the time they made it to Monica, Jensen and the older man were gone.

"Monica!" Christian called out. "I thought I saw you with Jensen?"

"Yes. You just missed him. My father-in-law wanted a private word with him."

"Where? We really need to hit the road."

"The executive offices." The man with Monica answered. "Ryan Westman." He held out his hand. "My family owns this hotel.'

Steve and Chris shook his hand, but before Chris could ask, Ryan offered to escort them to the office. As they followed the couple, Steve touched Christian's hand. When their eyes met Steve's held questions. The worry in Christian's and the shrug of broad shoulders let the singer know there was something wrong, but he didn't know what. As they approached the door at the end of the hall, it jerked open and a coldly angry Jensen stepped out the door. The glare of anger and betrayal he gave Monica stopped them all in their tracks.

"Jenny?" Christian's voice was soft as he and Steve stepped to Jensen's side.

Love, relief, fear and shame flashed across the handsome face before he said anything.

"Get me out of here." He pleaded softly.

He leaned heavily into Steve as Christian threw the three people in the office door an icy glare before taking point to the truck. After they settled in the seat, he curled into Steve shaking with reaction. By the time they got home Jensen had stopped shaking, but allowed Steve and Christian to support him into the condo. Christian opened his mouth to demand an explanation, but Jensen's fingertips on his lips stopped the words before they were spoken. He reached out and cupped the two strong jaws in his hands, thumbs brushing lightly over prominent cheekbones.

"We're going our separate ways tomorrow, and I'm not sure when I'll see you again." He paused to swallow the lump in his throat. "Please don't ask ... Just make love to me? That's what I want to remember when I look back on this day."

With a nod they moved to the bedroom ... No one wanted to break the silence as they undressed. Hands reached, fingers glided over skin, lips claimed, emotions flowed, teeth marked, freckles were worshiped, fingers bruised, breathing hitched, hearts raced. Christian paused at the thin silver lines he'd never noticed, but he was distracted when Steve gave a quiet yelp. Still there was silence, and in the aftermath if tears mingled with the sweat, it remained unspoken. As Jensen drifted to sleep sprawled across them. They both quietly cursed schedules that would keep them apart until Thanksgiving.

Steve leaned his head against the back of the seat. There wasn't a part of him that wasn't tired. KANE's whirlwind tour with Eric Church, Christian's flu from being exhausted, not seeing Jensen after the emotional uproar in September was all wearing him down. One bright spot had been his mother coming to Nashville to drag them hither and yon. When the cab stopped in front of the house he was surprised to see lights in the window. He was cautious as he entered the house, but pleasantly surprised when he saw Jensen asleep on the couch. He perched on the edge of the cushion and nudged the sleeping man gently.

"Jens?"

Under the influence of painkillers it took Jensen a few minutes to orient himself.

"Steve? What are you doing here?" He asked groggily.

Steve smiled indulgently. He loved when Jensen was sleep tousled and unguarded.

"I do live here sometimes." He chuckled.

"Smartass." Jensen grumped.

"I could ask you the same." He reached down for a kiss. "Thought you had a con?"

"Yeah, leavin' day after tomorrow if doc says okay." Jensen answered dropping back towards sleep.

Steve jerked almost landing on the floor.

"What doctor!" He tried not to shout.

"Eyes." Jensen mumbled.

"What's wrong with your eyes?" Steve wanted to shake the drowsy man.

"Lasik."

"Why didn't you call? One of us would have been here. Where's Jared?" Steve knew the youngster had been trying to get back in Jensen's good graces.

"Busy. Didn't wanna be a bother."

Steve wanted to pound his head on the nearest hard surface. Of all the people he could have fallen in love with he had to pick the two most stubborn on the planet. He got Jensen off the couch and into bed. _*Damn*_ He wished Christian was here.

"We love you. It's never a bother to be there for you." Steve whispered as he slid in behind Jensen.

"You won't when you find out." Jensen mumbled.

"Find out what, babe?" Steve asked, but Jensen was past hearing.

Steve kept expecting Jensen to say something else about the little bomb he'd dropped the night before, but even with the cab waiting, Jensen simply kissed him like always before going out the door. After the con, Steve watched Jensen closely. He seemed frantic to spend as time as possible with them. There was an air of sadness around him that felt like someone was dying. When he asked Christian if he noticed, his reply was.

"Thought I was imagining things."

The weekend after Thanksgiving their world crumbled. They were both surprised when they woke without Jensen in their bed. They started to worry when they didn't see his duffel in its usual spot. Panic struck when they saw a DVD with a _**'Watch Me'**_ post-it note by the coffee pot. Christian went to turn on the DVD player while Steve poured coffee. When he settled next to Christian on the couch-Chris hit 'play'. The Jensen on the screen was so pale and wane, he appeared ill.

"Before I go any further, I want to say, I love you both ... Have always and will always." He paused to gather himself.

"Since you're watching this you know I never worked up the courage to talk to you in person. I didn't want my last memory of you to be looks of disgust and contempt. I want to remember you the way you were this morning curled around each other with love. Besides, Christian will need something to smash when this is finished." He chuckled sadly.

Jensen blinked rapidly trying to regain his composure.

"There are only four people living that know the truth besides you, and if I hadn't met Monica in Portland, you still wouldn't know, but I've seen the questions in your eyes that you don't ask me when I wake everyone screaming."

Rubbing his hands over his face and gathering himself, he started to talk. Steve reached for Christian's hand.

"When I first moved to LA …"

What followed that sentence was the story of a young man from Texas, who trusting someone he'd known all his life, became a victim of Hollywood's dark side.

"While I was going to auditions, waiting for that one break, my agent had me sign a short-term contract with Francois DeLeon, as a model. Because we looked so much alike, Francoise made a habit of pairing me with Monica Reid. Not only were we modeling, we were also being hired out for window dressing at parties thrown by LA's power brokers. The more we worked together, the closer we got ... Like we really were brother and sister.

Alan Westman owned several five star hotels that accommodated some of these parties. When I bitched about doing the parties, DeLeon would threaten my career and Monica's if we tried to break the contract or went to the press. Because we wouldn't put out, _'The Twins'_ , as DeLeon, billed us became a challenge to the rich and bored. They tried everything from bribery to seduction to get us into their beds. Sometimes I'd take their numbers and go out with them," Steve felt Christian stiffen at the words,"... But not for money. Some of the models did. I was stupid and lonely."

Chris relaxed, but gathered Steve in his arms as they continued to watch.

"It was good for business, the money was great, but I was afraid one day one of the would-be seducers would turn out to be a nutcase."

Jensen paused. He sat looking at his hands for a long time, his thumb rubbing the inside of his opposite wrist. It was a nervous habit Christian and Steve had seen many times over the years. Realizing what he was doing, Jensen stopped, threw back a shot from the bottle of Jack Daniels on the coffee table before he continued.

"A week before the end of my contract, I was walking Monica across the parking lot to her car, when I saw something hit her neck. Before I could react, I felt a sting, and it was lights out.

When I came to, I was hanging naked from a pipe handcuffed by my wrists. Monica was gagged, tied and blindfolded across the room. When my head cleared I could hear this guy ranting about her being a tramp and clichés about fucking the stable boy, and how their class could fuck the help, but you didn't run off with them, or get caught. When he got done shouting, he walked in front of me. It was Alan Westman, and he decided it was time to try out his ex-wife's collection of riding crops on the 'stable boy'."

Tears streamed unheeded down Jensen's face as he started rubbing his wrists again.

"I tried to be quiet. I didn't want Monica to know what was going on, and I thought if I kept his attention on me he'd leave her alone. I was hoping Francois was looking for us. He always made a check call after a party to make sure we were alright. I prayed more than I ever prayed for anything."

He stopped and took another long pull from the bottle.

"I was about to pass out from the pain when Westman decided it wasn't enough that his wife had fucked him over, he was about to fuck over her 'boy'. He stood in front of me and stared at the handle on all those riding crops for a long time. The look that came over his face was even uglier and more demented. He just walked around behind me ... He started … He … They said the blood from my back was enough lubrication … I wasn't torn too badly by the time Francois' three bodyguards crashed into the room and took him down. The concierge doctor sedated him and a couple more guys hustled him out of the room. They did the same with Monica. They got me down, the doctor gave me a shot, and when I woke up I was face down on a bed in the penthouse.

Francois hauled everyone to Westman's penthouse. The man had some kind of psychotic break over all the shit with his divorce, and decided Monica and I were part of his delusion. She and Ryan only know part of the story. It's how they got together," Jensen shook his head, "Fate really is a bitch."

His focus turned inward as he continued. "DeLeon somehow kept everything under the radar while getting a big payoff from Westman to keep us quiet. It was a week before I could move enough to go back to my place. By then my contract had ended. In the month it took my back and wrists to heal, I fired my agent, hired a new one, and within in a week had a couple of guest shots. Then I got Days, and the rest as they say is history. Now you know why I'm hyper-aware of anyone behind me. You can still see some scars ... My lower back ... Underside of my wrists."

Jensen looked away from the camera as though trying to make a decision. Tears continued to drip off his jaw.

"There's one last thing before I leave … I never … I mean I didn't … Fuck … There wasn't anyone I trusted enough to really have sex with until I met you guys. Then when you got together I thought maybe Jared because he was such a touchy, huggy, groppy guy, but turns out I wasn't special, that's the way he acts with everyone. Now that we've been together …"

He finally ran his hands over his face, the stared at them when he felt the wetness on his palms.

"There won't be anyone again. I'll have Jared come by and get my things. Just put 'em in storage 'til then."

He reached for the off button on the camcorder.

"I love you, both."

The screen went black.

Steve had turned his tear streaked face into Christian's chest like a broken-hearted child. Christian kept him wrapped in one arm while he wiped his face on his shirt-tail with the other.

"That sumbitch left without givin' us a chance." He mumbled. "He thought we wouldn't want 'im after he told us." He started to get mad. "Just wait 'til I git my hands on the little shit. I'm kickin' his ass then I'm chainin' him to the bed." He started digging for his phone while still holding on to Steve.

Steve hearing Christian swear, growl, grumble and start to squirm looked up.

"Christian?"

"Ya gonna help me find 'im?"

"What?"

"You wanna let 'im go?"

"No!"

~@~@~@~

They called everyone they knew. Even Kripke didn't know his whereabouts. Donna said Jensen called to say he wouldn't be home for awhile. The only person they hadn't talked to was Steve's sister in Colorado. Sandy told him she was at some retreat where they didn't allow cell phones or computers.

Finally she called him back.

"Stevie? What's wrong?"

"Thank god. Have you seen or heard from Jensen?"

"Yeah. He house sat for me while I was gone. With the weather the way it's been I didn't want the house empty. I just dropped him off at the airport hotel about an hour ago."

"Did he say where he was going?"

"Nowhere. He couldn't get a flight back to Vancouver. How come he's not with you? Did Christian do something stupid?" Her voice started to rise. "'Cause he looked terrible."

"No, neither of us did anything stupid. Jensen just got confused about some stuff, and we need to fix it."

"You better before he wastes away to nothing. He's grieving like someone died."

"Thanks, Sis, love you." Steve cut the call.

"We'll be lucky to get a flight." Chris growled as he contacted the airline.

Luck was with them. They'd get to Denver around nine in the morning, but wouldn't be flying out until they were sure Jensen would be with them.

When Jensen opened the door for room service, Christian and Steve came in on the porter's heels. Shoving a bill in his hand, Steve ushered him out quickly before the storm he could see on Christian's face started.

"What's the big fuckin' idea of leavin' us that fuckin' DVD than disappearin'! We looked every fuckin' where for you, and you're shacked up with Steve's sister!" He shouted.

"I didn't … She wasn't … I wouldn't." Wide green eyes set in a too thin face turned on them.

Steve wanted to gather Jensen in his arms and never let him out, but he knew they had to get through Christian expressing his worry and fear the only way he could. By yelling … Loudly … And a lot ... With curses that could blister paint. Christian yelled and paced and waved his arms until finally with a growled.

"Come 'ere, Boy," pulled Jensen into a vise like hug.

Steve latched on from behind adding a growl of his own.

"Don't every do anything this fuckin' stupid again."

Overwhelmed, Jensen let go. Everything he'd locked away since September came out in a rush and jumble. Through the fears and tears, Jensen finally came to understand he was loved no matter what, and if he even thought about doing a rabbit again, there'd be hell to pay. Their Christmas was celebrated a few days later than traditional, but the logistics nightmare of getting three families together in one place for such a monumental occasion was worth the headaches.

Watching the light of the Oklahoma moon glint off the symbols engraved in the white gold band on his right hand, Jensen sighed in contentment. Caught between loudly headstrong and quietly stubborn, he knew he would never again walk alone.

~ TBC ~


	6. What Lurked In The Dark He Shied From

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dealing with the fallout.

Unseeing eyes stared at the blank TV screen. He just had to hold it together another week. In a week he’d be in Portland. Sure it would be during ConCon, but he’d be surrounded by his own personal devil's trap that would hold off the demons that stalked him. Huddled in the corner of the couch, wrapped in the oversized afghan Mama Kane had made them, he tried to take comfort in the scent of his partners that clung to its colorful threads.

After standing before their families at Christmas and making as public a commitment as they intended, the demons of his ordeal with Westman went back behind the devil’s gate in the bottom of his mind. They’d made a whirlwind trip to Vegas for Steve’s New Year’s Eve show at the Monte Carlo before heading back to Dallas for the Eagles game then on to Nashville until Steve had to return to Los Angeles and Jensen to Vancouver.

He’d been fine until Jared’s wedding. His relationship with Jared had smoothed out after the two nearly came to blows a few days after the Christmas hiatus ended. Genevieve had gone to back to Los Angeles for work, so Jared figured it was a good time to nag him into talking about their relationship. After a grueling day of shooting, and when weren’t they grueling ... Kripke was turning into a sadistic bastard, Jared had cornered him in his trailer. After a lot of yelling, hurt feelings and puppy eyes, their friendship got back on track, though he still hadn’t told Jared about Steve and Christian.

Jared had gone all shy and stuttering when he asked him to be in their wedding party, and engulfed him in a full body hug when he accepted. They spent several weekends flying to Idaho for fittings and Genevieve gushing over the incredible deal they were getting on the rooms and catering for the wedding. Things had been great until the moment he was signing the hotel register. There at the top of the page was his demon. A Member of the Westman Family of Hotels. His vision grayed until he remembered to breathe. He carefully turned to follow the bellman not wanting to upset the delicate balance between going to his room and running for the airport.

He tipped the porter and made a beeline for the mini-bar. Two tiny bottles of Jack later he felt like he might live through the weekend. He turned to survey the room he’d just walked blindly through. He almost felt sorry for the Cortes family bank account, as he walked over to the gift basket artfully arranged on the table.

Assuming the note card was one of those generic, _‘Compliments of …’_ things, he laid it aside until he saw his name. Thinking it was something for members of the wedding party, he slid the card out of the envelope.

_I know nothing that is said or done will ever repay the past, but I hope ‘helping’ your friends with their wedding will be a small step in a positive direction. Respectfully, Arthur Westman_

Jensen dropped the card and sprinted for the bathroom. Resting his head against the cool porcelain, he prayed to any deity listening to get him through the weekend.

~@~@~@~

He was barely holding on ... The nights he had three way or video calls with Christian and Steve were his best. Hearing their voices seemed to settle him. Christian’s excitement over how well his EP CD was selling ... Steve calling from his tour gigs made his heart ache that he couldn’t be with them, but helped barricade the nightmares from his sleep.

Three weeks with no physical contact and his senses were hyper-alert not allowing him to rest, his nightmares waiting in dark corners to ambush his sleep. Kripke was starting to wear a permanent frown when they crossed paths.

“Jesus, Jensen. I know Dean’s going through a rough patch, but you don’t have to go down with him.”

“Noisy neighbors.” He gave Eric a leer.

“Change bedrooms or something. When are you seeing your better thirds.” He chuckled at his play on words.

“Next week at Devlin’s Concon.”

“Good. Think Devlin’s nuts myself, but the man’s got the touch.”

“Rogers says he does Jedi mind tricks.”

Kripke snorted as he walked away. “Have to see if he’ll share his secret.” He spun back so fast he almost fell over.

“I don’t want to hear the **_Leverage_** crew stole Dean Winchester.” He grumbled at Jensen’s snicker.

Now he sat counting the hours until he boarded his flight for PDX.

He held on until he walked into the condo. His duffel fell to the floor as exhausted legs carried him to the couch where he snatched up Christian’s button down shirt. He buried his face in the soft flannel, inhaling the scent of leather, sweet grass, and pure Christian. He landed face down on the couch and was sound asleep in seconds.

~@~@~@~

Christian cursed as he tripped over something in the floor on his way to turn on a lamp. Shock had him cursing silently when he was startled by the body on the couch. His expression softened when he saw Jensen asleep on the couch. His expression hardened when he noticed the dark circles and lines that hadn’t been there when they separated in January. He took in how tightly Jensen held himself even asleep, how his fingers wrapped in the flannel shirt like it was a life preserver. He was still wearing his coat, and boots. It was his duffel Christian had tripped over when he entered the dark house. Frowning, he snapped a picture with his phone and shot it off to Steve. When the phone rang a few minutes later, he’d shut himself in the bathroom so he didn’t wake Jensen.

“What the fuck, man? Steve growled from Jamaica.

“Don’t know. He’s always seemed fine when we talked.”

“Fuckin’ actors.”

“Hey now.”

“I can’t get there ‘til Sunday morning.” Steve sounded conflicted.

“Don’t worry ‘bout it, Darlin’. I got ‘im ‘til you get here.”

“But the Con …”

“I’ll drag his ass there if I have to.” Christian hissed.

“He wasn’t planning on doing much until Dante’s.” Steve reminded.

“He should sleep for a fuckin’ week.”

“Like there’d be much sleeping.” Steve chuckled.

“We sleep.” Christian blushed furiously.

“You’re so cute when you blush.”

“Don’t blush.”

“Love you.”

“Get yer skinny ass here, soon. Love you, too.” Christian ended the call.

Christian puttered around the condo finally coming to the conclusion take out was on the menu for dinner. He got Jensen to wake up and herded to the shower. He picked at his supper until Christian chased him off to bed. He was checking the locks when he heard the muffled sounds coming from the bedroom. Before he could make it to the room, Jensen came stumbling out wrapped in the comforter and headed for the couch.

“Whoa, just hold your horses there, son. Where ya going?” Chris asked from the bathroom door.

He startled so bad, he tripped over the comforter and would have fallen if not for Christian grabbing his arm. He blinked owlishly a few times before rubbing his face with hands still fisted in the blanket.

“Christian?” He blinked a few more times then looked around the room.

His confused state was starting to worry Christian.

“Kane?” He repeated.

“Yeah.” Christian gave a tug on his arm.

The force with which Jensen hit his body made him glad Beth made a habit of making him catch her. Christian held the younger man for a few minutes until his breathing returned to normal.

“C’mon, Jenny boy, time for bed.” Christian moved them down the hall.

“To sleep?” He pulled back.

“Yeah, we can do that, too.” He leered, but didn’t like Jensen’s anxiety about sleeping.

Green eyes lit up at the idea and he was soon dragging Christian down the hall. The first round of _‘I’ve missed you so much can’t wait to fuck you stupid’_ sex didn’t last long. He hadn’t seen Steve or Christian since January. Their second round of lovemaking reconnected them on an emotional level leaving them aching that Steve wasn’t with them. He finally lost the battle and was asleep before Christian finished cleaning them up. When he woke the next morning, Christian was already out of bed. He took time to luxuriate in the first uninterrupted sleep in a month. He was savoring his coffee when Christian pounced.

“What was the trigger?” Christian cringed inwardly. He’d meant to wait until Steve got home before asking. Patience was not his virtue.

“To what?” He knew Christian wouldn’t be stalled for very long.

“Don’t play stupid with me, Boy.” He slammed the spatula down after turning the pancakes on the griddle.

He stared into his coffee like it was a scrying pool, his shoulders pulled up around his ears. Christian put the golden brown cakes on plates before trying to undo the damage he’d done. Moving around the counter he practically snatched him off his stool.

“Sorry, Jenny. Just hate seeing you all tore up like this.” Christian crooned low. When he felt the thin body relax, he pulled him over to the table. “Now eat. You’re too skinny.” Christian clamped a hand over his mouth. “Shit. I’ve become my mother.”

The hearty laugh that burst out of Jensen’s mouth was worth every bit of the embarrassment to Christian.

“I happen to love your mother.” His grin was mischievous as he tackled his breakfast.

“We’re gonna talk when Steve gits here.” Kane's tone was soft, but firm.

He nodded his agreement. “I know … It’s just … I only want to do this once.”

They cleared the table, and Christian finished getting ready. His ride honked from the curb.

“Sure you don’t wanna come?” Christian teased.

“I have enough Cons of my own, thank you very much.” He walked Christian to the door. “I really need to be in our home with our stuff.” Green eyes grew misty.

“Fuck.” Christian wiped a hand down his face. “You’re gonna ruin my tough guy rep.” He grabbed Jensen another kiss before heading out the door.

When the car dropped him back at the condo, midnight was just a memory. He was exhausted, more than a little tipsy, and just wanted to wrap around Jensen and not move for a long time. He didn’t get his wish. When he entered the bedroom, Jensen was already in the grip of a nightmare. Calling his name and shaking didn’t wake Jensen, so Christian finished getting undressed, got under the covers and wrapped himself around the thrashing body, and started to talk. Eventually the thrashing stopped and Jensen slipped back into sleep. As he tried to calm down enough to fall asleep, Christian wished fervently, Steve were here to help get through this emotional minefield.

He was starting to doze when he heard someone in the living room. Careful not to wake Jensen he pulled the door shut behind him. As he moved through the condo he was careful to keep to the deeper shadows. Going through the kitchen allowed him to come in behind the intruder. The silhouette he saw was as familiar as his own, so he flipped on the light.

When the light came on, Steve froze momentarily blinded. Before his vision cleared he was grabbed from behind. Before he could think his elbow shot backwards. Realizing it was Christian that had him, he tried to pull back. Christian had already blocked the elbow and was spinning him around for a kiss that left Steve pumped with adrenaline and no coherent brain cells.

“Glad you're here,” Christian mumbled against his lips.

“Hmm … Can tell.” Steve untangled his fingers from Christian’s hair. “You cut your hair.” His forehead pulled down in a frown.

“Just trimmed a couple inches.” He ducked his head suddenly shy. “The ends wouldn’t quit curling.”

Steve started to chuckle when they were interrupted by sounds from their room. Christian took off down the hall, Steve hard on his heels.

“Been a lot of this?”

“Second one tonight.”

They were soon wrapped around the younger man soothing the nightmare away.

~@~@~@~

Christian had left for the convention by the time Steve and Jensen stirred from the nest of covers. They lazed around the house waiting for Christian to finish up so they could spend some time together before going to Dante’s. Being familiar with convention schedules, they weren’t surprised when he called to say he’d meet them there. Then Jason called to say he was on his way. After getting him settled in the guest room, they decided to eat at their favorite place near the club. Will and Ryan had just been seated when they arrived so dinner became a boisterous affair of getting reacquainted.

After dinner they decided to rehearse until Christian arrived. They cajoled a reluctant Jensen until he agreed to sing lead, so it didn’t take long for them to knock the rust off. They were in the middle of _**Let Me Go**_ when Christian, Tim and Brian Nutter came down the stairs. His mouth clamped shut when he saw the trio. They gave him wicked grins that made him blush. Christian came up behind his chair to wrap his arms around him.

“Finish the song, Jenny.” He said in a stage whisper.

 _“Other than a dreamer, ain’t nothin’ but a drifter …_ ” Christian’s voice joined his and he melded their voices together in a bewitching harmony.

Silence reigned after Steve and Jason played the last note. The spell was broken by Brian.

“Holy Mother of God. How’s a poor musician supposed to make a living around all you pretty boys that can sing like that!”

He started up the stairs to set-up. “Ain’t fair I tell ya.” He grumbled up the steps as their laughter followed him.

They started at the sound check and by show time everyone but him and Ryan were well into the bottle of Jack. After Tim introduced the band, he invited him to sit with him. He laid a hand on Tim’s arm so the older man looked at him.

“After **_Fade_**.”

They exchanged a look.

“I thought … Maybe … After you know?” Tim stuttered.

“Christian wants to dedicate the show to Jason’s dad.”

“Gotcha. See you after that.”

“Promise.” He forced a smile so Tim wouldn’t feel obligated to stay.

The death of Jason’s dad had hit them all hard. The Southards and the Carlsons played a big part in keeping them all grounded in this crazy business. It had been him supporting Christian, Steve and Jason through the ordeal. Steve had taken up the role when Jensen had to return to **_Supernatural_**. Steve stepped up to the microphone as first Christian then Jason broke down saying the words that Christian couldn’t. Jason had ducked his head and hidden behind his ringlets while Christian had made a beeline for Jensen standing in the shadows.

He felt the tears on his neck as he held him tight. Christian pushed away and before he could protest he was back on stage. He started talking about writing _**Fade**_ with Jason. After the first few sentences, he once again had his arms full of a weeping Christian. Jason stepped up and by the time he and Steve finished, he was back in control. He dropped a quick kiss on full lips and went back on stage. He quietly worked his way around and sat next to Tim. Jensen gave him a wide smile and a slap on the back.

The band made short work of breaking down and were on their way home, Steve sitting in the back with Christian and Jason, offering what comfort he could for their grief. He made sure an inebriated Jason got situated while Steve handled Christian. He stalled giving everyone a chance to settle. Jason had gone out like a light, the alcohol and emotional upheaval wearing the musician down.

Ever cranky about sleeping, it had taken longer to get Christian settled. When he peeked in the door all he saw was Steve. Christian had curled tightly into the blond. Knowing his nightmares waited just out of sight, he moved back to the living room determined to let everyone else get some sleep.

~@~@~@~

Something was wrong. Something was missing. He opened his eyes. There was enough ambient light that he could make out Christian, who had finally relaxed. Then he realized what woke him. The weight on his chest was wrong. When they were all together, Jensen always slept in the middle, as though afraid he would disappear, Steve and Christian kept him hemmed in and pinned down.

Steve carefully slid out from under Christian. Between the alcohol and the release of emotions over Brittany and Joe’s deaths, he was sure Christian would sleep through a stampede, but it didn’t pay to underestimate him. He found Jensen on the couch wrapped in Christian’s OU throw, one of his thousand yard stares on his face that gave Steve the creeps.

“Jens?” He asked quietly.

Green eyes finally blinked and brought their focus on him.

“Why aren’t you asleep?”

“Could ask you the same thing. We haven’t seen each other in months. I’d like to spend at least one night with both the people I love.”

“Didn’t wanna wake everyone when I start screaming like some chick in a horror movie.” He sneered.

Steve straightened to his full height. “If it happens we’ll deal.”

“Not if ... When.” He grumped.

“Whatever. C’mon.” He grabbed his wrist and pulled.

“I …”He started to protest.

Steve got nose to nose with him.

“Don’t make me wake Christian. He’ll still be drunk and VERY cranky.”

“Shit. You don’t fight fair, Carlson.”

“I love you. I want you where you’re supposed to be. Drooling on my chest with Christian draped over both of us.”

“Fine.” He huffed. “Don’t say I didn’t warn you.”

Steve breathed a sigh of relief as they settled. As sleep pulled him down, he smiled when he felt the mattress shift as Christian pinned Jensen against his chest. Now everything was as it should be.

No alarms were set. Christian didn’t have to be on set until late. He was going to drop Jensen and Steve at the airport on the way to the studio. The plan was to enjoy their last few hours together until Jensen’s hiatus. The sounds of Jason moving around the condo and leaving roused them, but not enough to wake them fully.

Christian woke abruptly when his ribs were caught by a flailing elbow, which woke Steve when he shouted. Jensen didn’t awaken ... Caught in his nightmare, his breathing fast and shallow. By the time they had gathered their wits, Jensen was in a full blown panic attack. Christian wrapped around him while Steve tried to talk him down.

“Easy, Son, we gotcha.” Chris crooned.

“Jens, look at me.” Panic filled green eyes snapped up to meet calm blue.

“Slow your breathing. That’s it. Don’t breathe through your mouth.”

He was still spooked, but he tried to do what Steve wanted. Something banged on the outside of the condo. Jensen jerked, caught Christian in the ribs again, and sent them tumbling to the floor in a heap. He started to hyperventilate. Steve grabbed his face in both hands and looked into eyes dilated with panic.

“Jensen Ross Ackles! Look at me!” Steve emphasized his words by giving Jensen a light cuff to the side of his head. His eyes lost their wild look as he focused. Christian wrapped around him from the back.

“Breathe in through your nose slowly … Hold it … Count to five and let it out slowly … Again.”

Focusing on Steve and breathing finally grounded him enough that Steve and Christian let go. Jensen bolted for the shower. The two still on the floor soon followed. This was ending today.

Fortified with shower, aspirin and food, they returned to bed since it was the most comfortable seating for this conversation. Before sitting down, he dug note card out of his laptop bag.

“What’s this mean?” Steve prodded when Jensen just stared at his hands.

“At the wedding, when I signed the register, I saw it was a Westman hotel. I almost left. Then I got to my room there was one of those baskets full of fruit and shit. That note was on it. After I stopped puking, I managed to get through the weekend.”

“In the past month no one asked why you looked like warmed over road kill?” Chris asked.

“Kripke. Told him I had noisy neighbors.”.” His voice was sheepish.

“All the times you told us you were fine?” Two sets of blue eyes glared.

He made to climb off the bed when an iron grip closed around his wrists.

“Answer the question, Boy.” Christian growled.

“There was nothing you could do.” He pleaded. “Steve was on tour ... Your days are as long as mine …” His voice trailed off as he hung limply in their grasp.

“We could have talked you through it.” Steve admonished softly as he tightened his drip on Jensen’s wrist.

“It would have been worth the lost sleep to make sure you were really fine.” Christian’s emotions made his tone harsh.

“Sorry. I dealt with it alone the first time.”

“You’re not alone anymore.” Steve reminded.

“Ever.” Christian added.

“I won’t forget again.” He promised.

Steve and Christian shifted their weight and pulled until Jensen sprawled across them.

A silver crew cab pick-up stopped in front of arrivals at PDX. No one took notice of the two young men who complained good naturedly while grabbed their duffels out of the bed. Interest stirred when one of the men pulled out a guitar case out of the back seat. The driver jumped out and came around to hug the men.

“Get yer ass back here soon as Kripke’s done torturing Dean.”

Being one of Portland’s most recognizable residents, they soon worked out the identity of the other two when several women started gushing into their phones about Kane, Carlson and Ackles.

The skycap watched as the pickup sat at the curb until the men disappeared inside. The expression on the driver’s face was full of love and sadness. He picked up his walkie talkie.

If the two men sitting together resting their feet on the guitar case and talking quiet took any notice to how the PDX employees allowed them privacy, they never said, but the genuine smiles of gratitude that they received from the handsome men expressed more than mere words.

The men checked their watches and stood. A final hug and several people had to turn away from the intensity of the emotions being silently expressed and misty smiles as they went in opposite directions.

Two security guards that had been close by exchanged a look.

“When are they back at Dante’s?”


	7. What Illusions He Built Were Destroyed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Too much time alone

Jensen blushed hotly as the flight attendant gave him that _'Aren't you just the cutest things'_ look. Stuck in the middle seat with Steve and Christian asleep against his shoulders, there wasn't much he could do but raise his hands in a helpless shrug.

They'd stopped in Tulsa for a few days on their way to New York for the annual _Up Front_ dog and pony show the studios put on for the advertisers.

The Ackles had flown up from Texas and an impromptu family reunion had been held at the Kane house. Everyone had eaten too much and slept too little before going their separate ways, but it been good to reconnect with everyone. The more successful they became ...  The less time they had for family, and each other.

He hated _Up Front_ more than conventions. At least with the conventions the fans interest was genuine, without the ass kissing BS they had to go through for the networks and advertisers. Jensen leaned his head back and closed his eyes. God, he needed a break. He must have taken temporary leave of his senses to sign on for Season 6, but he didn't want to bite the hand that fed him, plus Jared and Genevieve were making noises about babies, Vancouver was closer to Portland than Los Angeles, but further from Las Vegas, and he was thankful to have steady work.

He really needed to have a talk with Jared about trying to fix him up with Genevieve's friends. Jared bitched at him about spending all his free time with Christian and Steve, and the conversation went downhill from there as Jensen had snapped back that he wasn't some Victorian maiden waiting for Jared to throw crumbs of attention his way.

The air had remained chilly between the two men until Jared had knocked on his door with pizza, beer and an apology. Things got better, but their friendship was changing in ways neither man could stop. Jensen knew things would be easier if he told Jared about his relationship, but so much of his life was on display that he hoarded this one thing like a miser's gold. He needed the illusion that there was something that was his and his alone. Now he enjoyed the weight of the dark and light heads pressed against his shoulders and allowed himself to relax.

The week was long and tedious. Jensen had hopes that they would get to spend their evenings together, but Christian's evenings were tied up with the **_Leverage_** crew and Steve was doing work with _The Sound Parlour's_ mixers, and checking out new artists.

Steve had been so excited about the one singer that he'd given one of his earbuds to Jensen in the elevator. They had come off the elevator heads together, commenting back and forth. A shout from the other side of the lobby had Steve moving away from Jensen so fast he thought he lost skin when the earbud was yanked out.

Steve was out the door hailing a cab before Jensen gathered his wits enough to realize what had happened. Hurt and confused by Steven's reaction he moved through the rest of the day by rote. He finally came out of his stupor when Jim asked him to dinner.

"Thanks, Jim, but I'm beat. Think I'm goin' grab room service and sleep." Jim frowned at the plastic smile Jensen gave him, but nodded before crossing the lobby.

He'd just settled his check when he heard familiar voices from another part of the restaurant. He stepped around the divider to confirm his suspicions.

Sitting at a large table in the back were the usual suspects from **_Leverage_** along with one Steve Carlson. Eyes narrowed he walked up behind Tim's chair.

"Evenin' boys and girls." His eyes narrowed at Christian and Steve.

"Hey, man, ya guys run late?"Christian's question seemed genuine.

"No. I was just settling my check." Jim glared at Steve, who wouldn't look at the older man.

"Jenny with ya?"Christian looked back the way Jim had come.

"No. He seemed out of sorts all day. Said he was going to grab room service and some sleep." Jim continued to watch Steve.

Feeling Steve squirm, Christian looked at the blond.

"Steve?"

"I was kind of a jerk this morning." He mumbled.

"Fix him before we take off on this round the world convention stint." Jim spun on his heel and left.

The two said their good nights and grabbed a cab back to the hotel. On the ride Steve explained the stunt he'd pulled in the hotel lobby.

"Fuck."

"Yeah."

"Ya can't do shit like that, Steve. He's alone too much as it is, and you know what the inside of that boy's head looks like. Plus we haven't spent the time together this week like we hoped. Then there's half his hiatus spent overseas with the newlyweds, conventions, fans poking and prying …" Christian rubbed his hands over his face.

"I know … I know." Steve threw his hands in the air. "The fans are so used to seeing you and me together that it's no big deal. I figured it'd start a whole new round of shit if they got a hold of a picture of Jen and I all heads together and stuff …"

Their fears were confirmed. Outside their room sat a barely touched room service tray. The suite was dark and quiet. They looked at each other.

"Smoking lounge." They said in unison.

It wasn't on the brochure as an amenity, but the hotel had set up a bar and tables under canopies on the roof for their patrons that smoked.

They found Jensen, not at the bar, but standing along the fencing around the perimeter of the roof, cigarette in one hand, tumbler of amber liquor in the other.

Before they got close, Jensen had turned his head. It still spooked them that Jensen unerringly knew when someone was behind him, but since Westman, the only time Jensen relaxed his guard was when the three of them were at home.

"Hey guys. How was dinner?" He turned back to looking out at the city.

"How'd you?" Steve sputtered.

Jensen merely shrugged. Christian cringed. The dinner had been impromptu. Steve had shown up needing to talk to Christian and the rest as they say is history. He loved their fans, but sometimes he wished camera phones and Twitter had never been invented.

"S'okay. I understand." Jensen's voice was raspy for too many cigarettes and not enough sleep.

"No. You. Don't." Christian grabbed one arm, Steve the other. "Let's go talk about it." They pulled the younger man toward the elevator.

Everyone was flying out the next evening. The **_Supernatural_ ** cast to points east, Christian and Steve west.

They spent the day disabusing Jensen of any illusions that may have taken residence in his brain during their long absences and jam packed schedules. By the time they poured the actor in the cab for the airport, Jensen was so fucked out and relaxed that he looked more ready for a photo shoot for a skin mag than a flight to Australia.

~@~@~@~

Jim Bever was exhausted. Between traveling, missing his daughter and the tension between Jared and Jensen, he was about to pull out what little hair he had left. Jensen had settled into what he called _'convention mode'_ , but with Genevieve and Jared acting the newlyweds and trying to set Jensen up on dates the air between them was tense. Jim noticed their bickering was causing Jensen's appetite and sleep to be disturbed so he stepped in to act as a buffer as much as possible, but it all came to a head in Italy.

Jensen singing with Jason and playing the guitar had been the hit of the convention. The two had been having a quiet dinner talking about Jason's new CD and upcoming show dates when a group stopped by their table. Jason's frown had Jensen looking up to see Jared, Gen and several other people standing by the table.

"Can we join you?" Jared asked grinning widely.

"Actually ..." Jason's tone was cold. "We were just leaving, but you're welcome to the table."

"Yeah. Food was great. Y'all enjoy." Jensen moved alongside Jason so they were clear the chairs.

Jared grabbed Jensen's arm. "You could stay, meet our friends." Jared gave him a sly wink then looked at the petite brunette giggling with Genevieve.

"Thanks, but we're just going back to the hotel … Callin' it a night. I got some calls to make to the States." Jensen's tone was polite but cool.

"Come on, Jen. She's a great girl. You'll really like her." Jared cajoled.

Jensen closed his eyes and drew a breath. He hated doing this in public … Hated people in his business. He felt Jason's warm support at his back. He let out the breath then pitched his voice so Jared had to lean down to hear.

"Look, Jared, I've told you this before. I do no need to be set up with your wife's friends … Or anybody's friends. I'm a big boy capable of taking care of my own love life." He felt his temper slipping so he took another breath. "This is the last time I'm telling you this, so listen. I have a committed relationship. All this …" He waved in the direction of the table. "Does is piss me off. You and Gen are meddling in shit that doesn't concern you. Now leave off."

Jared back up as if stung. "I … You never … Why didn't you tell me?" His voice rose.

All eyes in the room turned to the men.

"This is why." Jensen hissed low. "You can't keep your fuckin' mouth shut about anything. My private life … My private relationship is just that … Private. I don't want them harassed by the press because you don't think before you talk."

Jared ducked his head sheepishly. "Sorry."

"Yeah, well I'm sorry we had to do this because you don't listen to a fucking thing I say. You just bulldoze your way through and think a smile and apology after the fact fixes everything. Well it don't." Jensen spun and practically dragged Jason from the restaurant, color high and green eyes snapping at anyone foolish enough to stare.

"I can see why you haven't told him." Jason quipped. "Think he'll let it go."

Jensen shook his head. "Sadly, no. We'll probably have a knock down drag out before it's all said and done."

"What are you going to do?" Jason pressed. He didn't like the expression on Jensen's face.

"What I've always done."They paid the cabbie and headed to their room.

Jason cringed. He remembered all the years Jensen hid his feelings from Christian and Steve thinking he was protecting them.

He had to leave for England the next day, but thought Jared had finally bought a clue and would leave Jensen alone. If he'd been privy to the conversation in Jared and Genevieve's room, he'd have been on the phone to Steve the minute Jensen was out of ear shot.

"You two play pranks all the time." Genevieve cajoled. "It's not that big a deal. A little teasing … Get the fans involved … They'll think it's a hoot."

"I don't know, Gen, he seemed pretty adamant that whoever it is doesn't want the attention." Jared hedged.

"Oooo, maybe he's into something kinky." She crooned.

"I think I would have noticed if he kept a 'Mistress Mandy' in the house." Jared rolled his eyes.

"I got it." She snapped her fingers. "He's gay and afraid what it'll do to his career if it comes out."

"Can we drop it?" He slid into bed beside his wife. "I can think of better things to do ... Besides Jensen made it clear it wasn't up for discussion." He gathered her against his chest.

"Aren't you even the littlest bit curious?" She ran her finger nail down his broad chest.

"Of course I am, but he had a good point. I do get excited about things and forget to watch what I say."

"It'd be the most memorable moment of all the conventions … Even top Jensen playing guitar and singing with Jason."

"Genevieve …"

"Oh okay. Still think it'd be really great." She huffed then squealed as Jared's large hands spanned her waist and rolled them so Jared and the bed totally enveloped her.

Jared dropped a kiss on the dark head resting on his chest, as his mind warred with his curiosity about anything involving Jensen. There was so much about the older man he didn't know like where he disappeared to on his days off, about the scars that sometimes peeked from under his bracelets and watchband, and now, the 800 pound gorilla between them labeled, _'significant other'_.

Maybe a little teasing from him along with encouragement from the fans would convince Jensen to tell them about the love in his life. His conscious tweaked him for being selfish. The middle child in his psyche wanted the attention. Jared thought he had Jensen's reactions mapped out. The older man would be a little pissed, but Jared was sure he could control the situation and find out what he wanted to know.

As he drifted off to sleep, his conscious continued to prick holes in the balloon of his plan, but he wanted things the way they were before ... When Jensen's focus seemed to be on **_Supernatural_** and on him. He just had to get through to Genevieve that Jensen was going to be around more ... And that was a good thing.

As he watched Jensen finish up his solo panel, Jared was alive with anticipation. The combined panel was up next, and everything was falling in place. Genevieve had just arrived from the hotel, still pouting from their argument earlier, she threw herself in a chair, arms and legs crossed as she glared at the husband she'd thought would be so easy to control.

The make-up sex they'd had after she capitulated had been truly amazing, and she still had twinges even after soaking in a hot tub, but she thought she had the better read on Jensen. Her glare became a nasty smile as she came to the realization she'd soon have all Jared's attention because Jensen would kick him to the curb after today.

Despite being thousands of miles from his partners, Jensen was relaxed and happy. An early morning video call with Steve and Christian that probably melted circuits across the world had smoothed out his anger and anxiety over his argument with Jared. The fans were being curious without being nosy, polite and low-key while not making him feel like he was a bore. Worry nibbled at the back of his brain over his combined panel with Jared, but he was hoping after last night's confrontation, Jared would behave. Later his brain would remind him of that naïve supposition. The first fifteen minutes were fine. They played off each other as usual, the fans eating their camaraderie up with a spoon. With a wide grin on his face Jared turned to Jensen.

"Hey Jen." Green eyes caught hazel. "You know the one question I haven't heard lately?"

Jensen's smile dimmed slightly. "No, Jared, which one would that be?" Green eyes sent a warning.

Jared pushed on. "Everyone knows about my love life … My beautiful new bride … What about you? Who's that special someone in your life? You keep disappearing on your days off ... When do we get to meet this mystery person?"

The fans went wild-whistling and applauding. Jensen's expression iced over though his smile never faltered. Right then Jared realized how badly he'd underestimated his co-star. He had never seen this side of Jensen before and he prayed that if he managed to salvage their friendship, he would never see it again.

Jim Bever had been enjoying a cup of coffee in the wings when Jared asked his question. He quickly grabbed a PA and sent him running for Eric.

"Why Jared ... "The false cheerfulness in the Jensen's tone made Jared cringe. "I wouldn't want to deprive all those hopeful singles out there of my handsome self by settling down with one person." His mouth smiled, but his eyes were dead.

"But I thought …" Jared stuttered and stumbled. "You said … And you're always with …" He clamped his mouth shut before he dug the hole he was in any deeper.

Jensen never missed a beat. He looked out at the audience. "Isn't that just the thing? Your friends get married and the next thing you know they're trying to get you married off, too." The fans made sympathetic noises and nodded their heads. "It's great you and Gen are deliriously happy, but I'm not ready for that ball and chain, yet."

Jared quickly recovered his equilibrium and the panel finished like nothing happened, but the minute they stepped into the dressing room and closed the door, he started trying to apologize. Genevieve watched smugly from her chair as the two men stood nose to nose.

"It was just a prank, Jen, I'm sorry." Jared pleaded.

"A prank? You ruined the one thing that was mine alone … The one good thing in this whole fucked up mess for a prank?!"

Jared never saw the punch that laid him low. The next thing he knew, Gen was cradling his head in her lap as Jensen stood over them, chest heaving with the force of his emotions, eyes shards of green glass as his expression became even colder. Then Eric and Jim were there pulling Jensen away leaving Genevieve to tend Jared.

"I fucked up bad, baby." He turned his face into her stomach.

"I'm sorry, Jared. If I'd known he'd be such a dick I'd never have said anything." Gen soothed. "You still have me."

"Wanted … Need you both in my life." He sounded so miserable she truly felt bad for the mess they'd made.

Jim and Eric pulled Jensen into an empty room. To say he was angry was like saying Katrina was a little thunderstorm. Before he could attack either man for interfering, his brain registered who he was about to slay with the sharp side of his anger. He closed his eyes and gathered all the pain and anger and pulled it all back into its box. Slamming the lid he opened his eyes and calmly looked at the Eric then Jim. The two older men shuddered. It was creepy how Jensen could do that.

"Sorry." He rubbed his hands over his face.

"It's alright, son. You have every right to be upset." Jim soothed.

"You want to take a minute? Maybe call Christian or Steve or both?" Eric encouraged.

Jensen glanced at watch. _*Shit. When did it get so late*_ He looked back at Eric shaking his head.

"I'll talk to them later. Fill them in on Jared's latest fuck up." He growled then pulled it back.

Jim shook his head. Boy was going to give himself an ulcer keeping such a tight rein on everything. Eric turned away then turned back as though reluctant to ask his question.

"Can you finish this, Jensen? We only have a few more to go before the new season starts."

Jensen stared hard at Kripke.

"This has been a hell of hiatus. No down time because of conventions, pushed up start to filming. No time for anything." He sounded mournful.

"We get back to the states, go home, fly in for your panels then fly back out." Jensen started to protest. Eric raised his hand. "I'll pick up the tab. The flights'll probably be at the ass crack of dawn, but you're just going have to deal."

Jensen gave him a smile that almost reached his eyes. "Make 'em out of LAX. I'll probably be there 'til time to go back to Vancouver."

"I'll make them from Las Vegas." Two sets of eyes narrowed at Jensen.

"Yer awful bossy for someone not my mother … Or Kane." Jensen gave a weak chuckle.

"Don't think anyone's bossier than Kane." Eric joked glad to see Jensen's expression lighten. "'Sides I heard a rumor **_Leverage_** is going be at Comic Con." He chuckled.

"Great." He turned to Jim. "You don't need to be mother hennin' either." He shook his finger.

Jim placed his hands over his chest and raised his eyebrows in a _'Who me?'_ expression. Jensen rolled his eyes.

Jared and Genevieve both worked hard to apologize to Jensen, trying to make up for their prank, but their relationship seemed irreparably damaged. Jensen was cordial and professional, but aloof. Unless he was alone, his conversations with Christian and Steve were stilted and awkward. Jensen was constantly monitoring his words always keeping tight control.

Jensen wove illusions around them all. Illusions that he was fine, his relationship was fine, everyone and everything was fine had Kripke and Bever relaxing their vigilance for a while.

~@~@~@~

Jim was starting to worry over Jensen's state of mind. He constantly rubbed the scars on his wrists keeping the ridged tissue red and irritated. He'd snagged Jensen's phone while he was doing his final panel before flying back to the states. Working his way through the contacts list he finally got someone to answer.

Jason was surprised when he answered his phone to find Jim Beaver talking in rushed quiet tones. The normally affable man was spitting mad by the time Jim finished. He assured Jim that he'd be talking to Steve or Christian soon.

Jensen sat in a hotel room in Vancouver, head propped on his hand as he drained the whiskey from his glass looking at photos from KANE's video shoot and show at Dante's. He stared for a long time at one of Christian and Steve embracing like they could crawl inside one another's skin.

He had seen this before … Was the reason he'd kept his true feelings hidden for so many years. He'd deluded himself into thinking there was a Jensen sized space where there wasn't. He'd let Christian and Steve build him an illusion ... Let his need for them convince him it was true. Now he knew different. He kept the picture on his computer to remind himself. He started ignoring his phone and computer unless it had to do with work. He lived on coffee and cigarettes, and slept on the couch because the bed was too big.

After their conversation with Jason, Christian and Steve took turns tracking down anyone from **_Supernatural_** that might be in contact with Jensen. By the time they got to Jared and Gen's, Christian had blood in his eye and Steve was thinking of all the places they could hide the bodies. They hadn't seen Jensen in person since May and they were damn tired of the boy running and hiding to protect them from whatever illusions his mind had built.

"He's not here." Genevieve snapped when she answered the door.

The effect was ruined when Jared gently pushed her aside and quietly invited the two men inside. By the time he was done talking, Christian's face was red with the effort to hold onto his temper, but it was Steve that delivered the killing blow.

"I can see why you and Murray are best friends--you act an awful lot alike at times." The singer spoke quietly as he pulled Christian to his feet.

Jared gaped speechless after the men, but Genevieve decided to fight back.

"What's so special about Jensen Ackles anyway?" She stood with fists on her hips, chin jutted out defiantly.

"He's ours. He belongs to us and with us, and you keep fuckin' that up with your petty little power trips 'cause Jen has this convoluted idea that he has to protect us from the Powers That Be's." Christian growled.

Jared finally found his words after Steve's bombshell. "You're his committed relationship?" He was dumbfounded.

"Yeah. He wanted to tell you, but he was afraid you'd shoot off yer motherfuckin' mouth and our relationship would be splattered 'cross the Internet." Christian clenched and unclenched his fists.

Steve grabbed one and curled the tense fingers around his own wrist. "Not worth it, Christian. Let's find Jensen." He said soothingly, keeping his body between Christian and Jared.

Steve kept a tight hold on Christian as they left the house and headed to Jensen's condo. Christian and Jensen both had to be in San Diego for Comic Con, and they were determined they'd all be there together. The only work allowed would be their appearances at the Con … All else would be time for them. They slipped through the door of the condo, not sure what to expect. Jim had told Jason Jensen reminded him of an animated Ken doll, except when he was being Dean.

The place made Christian's skin crawl. There was nothing in any of the rooms that said this was someone's home. Jensen had scoured the condo of everything personal … Everything except his laptop, which sat open and running. Steve touched the mouse pad and drew in a shocked breath when he saw the wall paper.

They were still transfixed by the picture when they spun around at the sound of a familiar voice.

"It's a reminder."

"A reminder of the what, Jenny." Christian started forward, but Jensen back away.

Christian stopped.

"That it was an illusion."

"What was, Jensen?" Steve stepped up even with Christian.

Jensen held up his hand showing the ring that would no longer fit over his knuckle so he could take if off. "This … Us. Maybe it was a delusion out of my fucked up brain."

"No!" Christian started forward until Jensen was against the wall, his eyes wide.

"Christian." Steve's voice cracked.

He stopped, but refused to back off.

Jensen relaxed slightly. "I knew in New York." He moved past Christian to the balcony and lit a cigarette.

The older men exchanged a look. "Knew what, Jens?" Steve lit one of his own.

"That it was the end. You didn't want to be seen with me, Christian preferred his cast mates …" He shrugged. "Then all that shit with Jared." Jensen nodded more to himself than to Steve. "Yeah, should have cut it clean then, but you came to me on that last night and the illusion was reinforced." He rubbed the reddened scar under his watch band as he talked more to himself then to them.

He turned to face both men. "Have you come to say your final goodbyes? I have …"He walked over to the closet next to the front door. "Your things." He pulled out a two neatly labeled boxes.

Jensen's tone was so even, so calm, it was eerie. Both men shuddered.

"That is the biggest pile of steaming horse shit I have heard in my entire life." Christian said through gritted teeth.

"You seemed to have forgotten a promise you made." Steve chimed in behind Chris.

"What promise?" Jensen's forehead pulled down in a frown.

"That you wouldn't forget." They exchanged another look and stepped closer in unison, each grabbing a wrist.

Jensen looked at the strong tan fingers clamped around his wrists and something cracked inside him.

"I'm never alone." He whispered harshly still staring at the hands.

He looked up at the computer screen. "But …"

They knew what he saw. "We were telling each other how much we wished you were there, Jenny." Christian's voice was raspy in his ear.

Jensen shivered. The crack widened. A snarky voice in his head said his insides were beginning to look like a glacier from _Ice Age_.

He felt Steve's warmth against his side. "You belong with us." The voice dropped to a purr.

The crack widened.

"You belong to us, Boy." Christian growled.

Jensen shivered his emotions rushing toward the crack in his shell. He jerked his arms free.

"NO!" He moved toward the computer. "The proof is right there." He pointed to the screen as he fought to close the cracks.

"That's the illusion." Christian spun him back toward them.

"This is real." Steve trapped Jensen between them.

They caught him as his knees buckled from the emotions shattering the ice around his heart.

"This is real." He whispered.

They ended in a heap against the couch, Jensen tucked between them fighting not to fly apart.

"This will always be real." They reassured the younger man as they slowly began to pull him apart.

When they put him back together there was no doubt in Jensen's mind where he belonged.

~ Fini ~


End file.
